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Last week, some girl had the NERVE to dis my daughter. Ha! Ya think I'm hard on George Bush? I'm almost polite to him compared to what I have to say about anybody who trashes MY daughter. This little hoochie ain't seen NOTHING!

Mommie strikes back: Defending my daughter's reputation from the Wicked Queen

Okay, so my daughter took the internet quiz and it said that -- of all the Disney Princesses -- she identifed most with Belle. But, to me, Ashley will always be Snow White (and not just because she gots a job as a skate guard at Iceland). It is because, to quote that famous magic mirror, "Snow White is the fairest of them all." And to have some punk Wicked Queen wannabe say nasty stuff about my Ashley? Hell no.

In The Future, Miz 'Wicked Queen' thang, you need to keep your mouth SHUT about my daughter. Or you will be in Deep Dwarf Dookie -- with a WHOLE BUNCH of dwarfs on your case. The mirror will crack. Prince Charming will kick your bootie. The Good King will desert you -- and you will get NO alimony. So. Take a tip from the Mothers Grimm. You better start kissing my Snow White princess girl's feet!

Take a bite out of them apples!