I survived Dracula's castle -- and have the T-shirt to prove it too!

 

I survived Dracula's castle -- and have the T-shirt to prove it too!

 

     I'd planned to go to Dracula's castle on Halloween last month but got talked out of it.  "There's only one thing more scary than Dracula's castle on Halloween," said a local native of Transylvania.  

 

     "What could possibly be more scary than the ghost of Vlad the Impaler or even Dracula himself?" I replied.

 

     "Tourists!  Thousands of them!  The place is flooded with them on Halloween."  Yikes!

     Apparently Bram Stoker's famous Dracula novel was written by an Irish historian who never went anywhere near Transylvania but only did research at the Trinity College library in Dublin.  But still.  Dracula's castle was totally scary.  Take my word for it.  

 

      There were lots of narrow winding staircases, lots of legendary horror stories about Vlad the Impaler who loved to have his henchmen impale his victims on poles and then leave them to die a slow agonizing death.  But at least Bibi the Butcher Netanyahu only murders all those thousands of children in Gaza with quadcopters and drones -- quickly and painlessly.

       Could Bibi the Butcher possibly be scarier than Count Dracula?  Duh, yeah.  It's not the Epstein Files that has Donald Trump cowering in terror!  It's Netanyahu's Mossad assassination team!  I'd face Vlad the Impaler any day rather than get hunted down and tortured by those bad boys.  

 

     I shouldn't have wasted a perfectly good Halloween trying to get fake-scared at Dracula's castle.  I should have just gone directly to Gaza (or the White House) if I had really wanted to get me some genuine hair-raising terror.

PS:  Truth be told, Dracula's castle wasn't all that scary -- except for the ravishing hoards of tourists of course.  In 1920, Queen Marie of Romania had set her interior decorators loose on it and then sprinkled it with holy water as well.  Dracula's castle was actually sort of cozy.  And I didn't have all that much trouble fighting off all the other tourists at the souvenir stands in order to score the ultimate spooky T-shirt either.

 

Resources:

 

The Electronic Intifada reminds us that Dracula has arrived on the West Bank as well:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7w0uIpyDgNg 

 

Joe Kent explains the recent elections (hate to rain on your parade but the Dems have proved to be just as blood-thirsty as the Repubs):  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrDogTjN9eQ 

 

Anthony Aguilar schools us on the impending doom that our leaders have in store for us.  Talk about doom-scrolling!  Scary.  https://www.youtube.com/live/KR_6UquMfXk

 

Ah, Ukra$ne.  Torture prisons for kids.  Voldemort Zelensky stealing billions.  No wonder The West supports this bloody war.  Zelensky's values are The West's values.  Gaza for instance.  I rest my case.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=565biPCdQ-Y

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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