Monday, May 30, 2005

The second Schindler's List: Saving 1,200 Iraqis from certain death

40 years from now, I want Steven Spielberg's grandson to be able to make a movie about ME and call it "Stillwater's List".

I want to follow in the footsteps of Oskar Schindler. I want to get one of those multi-billion-dollar contracts for useless weapons that the Bush cartel is endlessly handing out to his buddies right and left. I want to go to Iraq, open a factory, employ 1,200 Iraqis and then, like Schindler, use bribes, influence and my crony connections to save my employees' lives by smuggling them out of Baghdad and helping them to avoid certain death.

I want to do what Schindler did. I want to save innocent lives of people arbitrarily sent to their deaths just because they are Iraqi and in harm's way. I want a list.

I also want a list of 1,200 American servicemen who I can smuggle out of Iraq to help THEM avoid certain death.

I'd like a list of 1,200 people in Darfur/Sudan who are also facing certain death.

And 1,200 people in Haiti too. And Afghanistan. And Israel-Palestine.

If you are an Afghani or an Iraqi or an Israeli/Palistinian or a Haitian or from Darfur or an American serviceman, write to me. I will put you on my list.

Then I will politely ask Cheney and Halliburton to give me some of their blood money to save lives with. And you just KNOW they will happily part with a few extra billion for me and my list -- because they already have much more money than they can ever possibly spend.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Alberta's new oil reserves are HUGE: Does this mean Bush will invade Canada next?

When I opened up the San Francisco Chronicle on Sunday, these were the headlines: "Canadian oil sands -- vast reserves second only to Saudi Arabia...." Then there was a graph. Apparently, Saudi Arabia has 259 billion barrels of oil in reserve, Canada has 180 billion barrels and Iraq only has 113 billion barrels. Shhhhh! Don't tell Dubya! He'll be invading Canada within the week and we all know what this means:

Shock and Awe will be coming to Ottawa.

British Columbia will soon have its own Abu Ghraib.

Halliburton will get another 200 billion dollars in contracts, we all learn to live in terror of infidel "maple-leaf-heads" and Americans will have to go without cheap prescription drugs.

All too soon, resistance cells will be forming in Quebec while suicide bombers attack the U.S. green zone in Toronto. And Laura will soon be flying in to teach Nova Scotians how to read.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

The New Rapture: Jordan is back and he's got nothing to do

I've spent the last YEAR doing everything legally possible to try to rescue my daughter's friend "Jordan" from some isolated "Behavior Modification" camp in the backwoods of Montana where they sit around in "therapy sessions" and scream at a bunch of poor trapped kids for hours on end about what failures they are and how their parents are saints and gods.

But as hard as I tried, I couldn't spring Jordan out of there. If you are not a child's legal guardian, there is nothing you can do. Period. Jordan's parents have signed over their rights to this "program" and he is stuck there until he turns 18. Or is he?

My daughter got a phone call last week. "Hi. This is Jordan. I'm back." After she calmed down from her verbal celebration that could be heard a block away, she asked Jordan how this miracle came to be. "I got tired of them screaming at me. It really upset me. I ran away." So. Jordan hadn't been brainwashed after all. He had just been biding his time. Good boy.

Jordan is back! Jordan is back! Hurray!

Back to living with his family. Back in the same circumstances that created his parents' desire to send him away in the first place. How will Jordan handle it this time?

Just like last time. Poorly. But instead of defending himself, rebelling and fighting back like he did before, Jordan, in the past week, has turned self-destructive. You want more details? Ask Jordan. Ask him, "Knowing that you have NO experience with alcohol and what it can do to people, what the hell were you thinking when you drank that fifth of gin neat?" If my daughter hadn't got Jordan's parents to drag his sorry ass off to the hospital last night, according to his ER physician he would be dead right now instead of just getting a stomach pump and an IV.

I am in shock.

Our Jordan is sweet, bright, cheerful, capable, charming and funny. He is the cream of America's youth. And, like a lot of other upper and middle-class American children, he's spinning his wheels and throwing it all away.

How dare he.

Like those damn behavior modification programs, I too want to shake him and scream -- but not about his past or his parents. That's gone, that's over. I want to scream about what happens next, about Jordan's FUTURE. "Jordan!" I'd say. "Wake up! There is a reason for you to still be living -- and it's not just to keep your parents entertained. If you weren't here, they would go out and find someone else to create soap opera for them. Forget about them. There are other fish to fry."

Other fish to fry? Huh?

I look at it this way. Recently, members of America's "Religious Right" have purchased over 42 million books based on the idea that "The Rapture" is a good thing and that the sooner the human race descends into disease, violence and evil the better. We have MILLIONS of people, right here in America, who think that God will actually be PLEASED if George Bush and people like him succeed in their attempts to blow up the planet -- with us still on it.

Sure, to rational people, this sounds totally stupid but it is also the total reality of our times. Here in America, we actually have ten million cheerleaders waving their pompoms and hoping and cheering that life as we know it will be totally destroyed.


So. Jordan. There IS a reason for you to stay alive. There is a reason for ALL of us to be alive. We ALL are needed to stop this "Rapture" insanity and help make this world a better place.

Where to start? Didn't Someone once say, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you"? That's what the New Rapture should be. And it is much harder work -- and far more courageous -- than just wallowing in destruction and hate.

"Love thy neighbor as thyself."

THAT would surely indicate the Second Coming of Christ.

PS: WHERE did Jordan learn about the effects of chugging a fifth of gin? From talking to other desperate kids at the behavior modification program? More than likely.

PPS: Has Jordan finally become endangered enough for child protective services to step in and do something? Probably not. It's a class thing. Can you imagine CPS stepping in and interfering with the way George and Barbara Bush raised little Georgie?


Speaking of America's youth doing right, my youngest daughter just got her Girl Scout Gold Award this week! This is a BIG DEAL. It's like becoming an Eagle Scout if you are a boy. She spent two years on it, learned to sew and design clothes, made a video on how to dress well out of the People's Park free box, gave a fashion show to benefit the Vera Casey Center for teen mothers, collected a whole WORLD of stuff animals to donate, spoke at meetings, got articles published and generally made people aware that helping mothers and children is a GOOD thing. I am VERY proud of her. Here's MY article on Vera Casey: Here's some photos of my daughter modeling glasses:

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Godzilla vs. Shock & Awe: The occupation of Japan vs. the occupation of Iraq

Japan attacked America. Bush attacked Iraq. How come that made Japan the bad guys and Bush the hero on the white horse?

Japan bombed Pearl Harbor. Bush bombed Baghdad. Does that put Bush in the same league with Tojo and the right-wing Japanese zealots who invaded the Philippines and Manchuria?

America occupied Japan and helped it get back on its feet, insuring that Japan would never attack us again. Bush occupied Iraq, destoyed its economy and generated 70% unemployment, insuring that Iraq would hate the U.S. forever.

When America left Japan, they left it in better shape than it had been in before the war and now Japan is one of America's strongest allies. We took a country that was our deadly enemy and turned it into our friend. Bush has no intention of ever leaving Iraq. And he has taken a country that had no WMDs, was basically de-fanged and could do us no harm and turned it into a quagmire that kills our young men, bankrupts our economy and steals our souls.

Roosevelt was a genius. Bush is an idiot. Truman was an honest man. Bush is a crook.

Roosevelt's face is on the dime. Bush's face should be on a mug shot.

Japan, a country that itself endured occupation, is now occupying Iraq. America, a country that has never endured occupation (if you don't count carpetbaggers, scalawags, General Custer and Jim Crow) is now ruled by a man who is turning Iraq into Nanking, Corrigador and Bataan. Does Bush watch "Bridge on the River Kwai" for inspiration?

In dealing with human nature, it is always wise to remember that rewards always lead to inspiration and punishment always leads to resistance. During the Occupation, Japan did not resist. During the Occupation, is Iraq resisting? Duh.

Imagine if America had spent 200 billion dollars helping Iraq get back on its feet instead of just sending in carpetbaggers and thugs? Imagine if America had spent 200 billion dollars upgrading AMERICA'S hospitals, schools and roads instead of wasting all that money on creating a New Pearl Harbor for Iraq?

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Where have all the cowboys gone: Why the U.S. military has no balls....

I just finished talking with my retired military friend Sonya. "The military is being used and abused these days," she told me. "I can't BELIEVE that they put up with all that crap from Rumsfeld and Bush." Sonya is outspoken; the kind of person you would LOVE to have in a foxhole with you. And then it hit me. THE US. MILITARY HAS NO BALLS. No cajones. No round ones. No eggs. None of those things between their legs. Zero. Zip. Nada. Castrati.

Now there's a dismal thought.

If the American military was REALLY worth its salt, all those generals wouldn't have put up with Rumsfeld's cheap-ass "operation" that shipped off all our troops to Iraq with no armor and NO PLAN.

I'm hitting the "Caps Lock" button a LOT here. It's because I'm so angry. Trust me. Try it yourself. It helps. I AM JUST SICK AND TIRED of always being told that Bush, Rumsfeld and all those IDIOTS at the Pentagon are so fabulously brave. Ha.

Okay. So all these five-star John Wayne-types send our troops off to Living Hell with no protection and no plan. And they sit there -- also lily-livered and cowardly, afraid to say, "Hey, look, we're killing women and children here. THAT'S NOT WHAT I SIGNED ON FOR." Not these guys either. All up and down the chain of command, they keep their mouths closed and willingly participate in the biggest crime scene since Bonnie and Clyde knocked off all those banks. Or was it Don Corleone? Bush and company STOLE FROM US. And our troops and our generals -- who actually saw it happening!!!! -- HAVE NOT HAD the balls to say anything about it.

THEN these spineless wonders come home and discover that, while they were gone, all their veterans benefits have been TAKEN AWAY. And what do they do about it? They praise Bush and wear diapers and parade up and down Main Street claiming to be REAL MEN.


I'm more of a man than any of them. And I'm not even a guy. "You want me to do WHAT?" I would have told my commanding officer. "You want me to shove WHAT up that poor Iraqi's bottom? You want me to blow up WHAT little old lady? WHAT three-year-old boy? I'm sorry, General. I'm out of here. Do it yourself." And this little red hen would be GONE.

We just gave Halliburton and Bush 82 billion dollars. THREE DAYS LATER they are back asking for more. That's a racket. That's a scam. That's a scheme.

Forget them. If I were in the Army, I'd be doing time as a conscientious objector. Those are the brave ones. "Lonely are the brave." Sure. But we sleep better at night.

The American military -- the Pentagon, the generals AND the foot soldiers -- had better get out their catalogues and order up a new set of balls post-haste. Or else start subscribing to Victoria's Secret. That's all I have to say.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Taps for America: Bush is about to unleash The Final Solution

"Day is done. Gone the sun..."

There are 26,074,906 Iraqis in Iraq. There are 130,000 American soldiers there. That is a ratio of approximately 200 to one. These are not good odds.

As he tries to soak up every last crumb of U.S. taxpayer money to give to his cronies even if it means slaughtering tens of thousands of Iraqi women and children in an effort to sell more weapons, George Bush's greedy bumbling in Iraq has finally gone over the top. As his generals torture and murder their way across the Cradle of Civilization, they have finally managed to alienate and humiliate Iraqis WAY far beyond the point of no return, instigating a rebellion that is bound to turn out badly for everyone -- and to add whole new meaning to the term "In harm's way" for our sons and daughters there.

How is Bush going to pull his chestnuts out of the fire on this one? You don't even want to know. I'm shaking as I write this because I just learned what his (non) exit strategy is: The Final Solution.

My father was in the Navy during World War II. While he was in the Pacific and occupied Japan, my mother, sister and I stayed in Naval housing near San Diego. He wrote us a letter almost every day. "Tokyo and Yokohama are leveled masses of rubbish with nothing standing except for a few smoke stacks and bank vaults," he wrote. "Thirty miles of desolation stretches between Tokyo and Yokohama -- yet an unescorted American soldier can get on the Tokyo express and ride from one end of Honshu to the other safely. Can you imagine a Japanese soldier receiving the same treatment had they conquered us? No one can understand these people and no one wants to. The crying need is to get the hell out of here and let them have the place."

America "got the hell out" of Japan and Japan turned out okay without us.

Bush's war on Iraq has several other things in common with World War II besides "occupation". Can you guess what they are? Or do I have to spell them out for you....

Make no mistake. George Bush plans on winning the war on Iraq. And, given his disgustingly inhuman approach to occupying that country, he and his generals will NOT be able to achieve an on-the-ground military victory because the Iraqis -- like we would do if we were in their place -- will do what they have to do to protect their homeland. Like the heroes of the Warsaw Ghetto uprising during World War II, Iraqi Muslims will NOT "go gentle into that good night." They will fight to the death rather than endure living in a country-wide Abu Ghraib for the rest of their lives. Bush knows that. He KNOWS that he will not be able to win a traditional "land war in Asia" any more than Johnson or Nixon could. And yet Bush wants to win so badly that he will do ANYTHING for victory. And I do mean anything.

Even as we speak, Bush is preparing to go down in history -- to be recorded for all posterity -- as someone who, like Stalin, Pot Pol and Hitler, is willing to resort to The Final Solution.

Gentlemen, start your ovens.

"Sure. Go ahead. Kill all those savages," far too many Americans are saying. "Bomb them. Blow them up. Gas them. They don't deserve to live." Whenever I hear this, I realize that Iraq is not the only country that will be defeated by Bush and his generals. I am hearing Taps for America as well. I, me, Jane am actually witnessing the end of my country as I have always known it -- the end of America's great experiment with freedom, democracy, idealism and hope.

Just like my father participated in another moment of great historical significance, I am about to be an actual participant in a huge chunk of history myself -- history that I had never dreamed that I would be witnessing. Nor that I want to see. The end of my country. I never thought that I would live to see this happen.

After World War II, MacArthur and Truman helped Japan back on its feet. Now Rumsfeld and Bush have a whole other plan. When I was a child we fought the fascists. Now I am a grownup and we have BECOME the fascists. "Fallugah and Ramadi are leveled masses of rubbish with nothing standing except for a few smoke stacks and bank vaults. Thirty miles of desolation stretches...." And there is much more to come.

If Bush wins his "war" on Iraq by sending six million Muslims to the ovens, America as we know it will also be finished. Yet Bush already has his plans designed and on the table -- starting with the "Salvadoran Option" and moving quickly from there. What more can I say?

Taps for America? Remember how that song ends. "All is well. Safely rest. God is nigh." What can WE do to make sure that those words will still apply to us?

PS: Maybe I'm being too subtle and flowery here. Let me spell it out for you in Plain English: Bush plans to do to Iraq what Custer planned to do to the Cheyenne and Sioux: Kill them all off and take their land.

In addition, the weapons industry is using "The Rapture" concept as a cutting-edge marketing ploy to convince otherwise God-fearing Christians that it is their religious duty to buy as many high-tech weapons as humanly possible (and use them). But since "God don't like ugly," this selling of the Apocalypse could all-too-easily backfire on them -- just like it did for Custer at the Little Big Horn.

PPS: To quote psychologist Rita Corriel, "What if, out of the ashes of the Holocaust, we declared that 'Never Again' applies to all people?" To quote news commentator Bill Moyers, "A free press is one where it’s okay to state the conclusion you’re led to by the evidence."

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Judging Georgie: Why Bush must gut our courts as fast as he can

That "smoking gun" Bush/Blair memorandum that just hit the blogs has proved conclusively that Bush knew all along that his 200 billion dollar war on Iraq was a phony war. I knew it was. You knew it was. And now we have the proof.

Here's a great suggestion from the editor of regarding what we can DO with said proof: "Since that memo indicates a collaboration between Bush and Blair in fitting intelligence around policy to start a war in Iraq, why shouldn't all of the families of soldiers killed by Bush's lies be able to file a class action lawsuit against Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld, et. al for wrongful death?"

Sorry, RJ, but this is never going happen -- not if our George has the federal judiciary in his back pocket!

Now you can see, boys and girls, why Bush has been working so diligently from his first day at the White House to get rid of all those "Liberal" judges. Abortion has got nothing to do with it. It's all about honesty -- honest judges will not let him put his hands in the cookie jar quite so deeply.

Judge Judy might have allowed this kind of class action suit -- but the 207 judges that Bush has stacked our courts with would have stopped it.

Judge Joe Brown would never allow our Constitutional right to a fair and impartial judiciary to be ruled "out of order" so that corporate welfare queens can rape our treasury and environment with impunity -- but Bush has a whole BUNCH of bench-warmers that would be glad to do it.

Judge Kittleson on "The Practice" won't try to put me and you in jail for criticizing the demise of the Ten Amendments and the Ten Commandments. Bush's appointees wouldn't even need a jury to help them to find us "Guilty!"

In these crucial times, as we watch our democracy spiral down the drain, who can we turn to? Congress won't stand up for us. Thanks to under-the-table campaign contributions, corporate media ownership and Diebold, Congress has already been gutted.

It's laughable that we might be able to petition the White House for redress.

So who can we turn to for protection and help at this point in time? Our courts. Our lawyers. Our judges.

Is George Bush is replacing honest, fair and impartial officers of the court as fast as he possibly can -- and substituting them with Tighty Righty toadies who chose corporate welfare over OUR welfare and Bush's self-interest over the interests of America?

You be the judge.

Friday, May 06, 2005

"Happy Birthday, Mr. President": Our George ain't no Marilyn Monroe

My friend just said, "Jane, everyone knows that the presidential election was stolen but Bush is still getting away with it. What can we do?" One thing comes immediately to mind. LET'S STOP CALLING HIM "MR. PRESIDENT"!

Can you imagine Marilyn Monroe singing, "Happy birthday, Mr. President" to GWB? Absolutely not! Maybe Tony Blair or Jeff Gannon might want to sing it to him but that's another story. Maybe electronic voting machine executives might want to sing it but that's another story too. Maybe the Supreme Court justices would sing it. Or the weapons industry.

But the millions and millions of Americans who have lost their jobs, their homes, their freedom and their lives because of "Mr. President" -- they would definitely NOT be interested.

Can you imagine your child's teacher volunteering to sing "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" to George Bush? Or your local union members? Or your doctor? Or the businesses in your home town that just went bankrupt because of preferential treatment for Enron or General Electric or Walmart? What about your neighbor who got his foot blown off in Iraq while searching for weapons of mass destruction that Bush KNEW were never there?

I'm willing to bet that even those "turn the other cheek" Christians left among us who still believe in the Ten Commandments ("Thou shalt not commit adultery, thou shalt not lie and thou shalt not kill") would instantly develop laryngitis at the thought.

Who will sing "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" to our Georgie next July? I'll tell you who -- the same people who got invited to his inaugural ball. The multi-billionaires. Not you and me. No gold-edged engraved invitations for us. But that's okay. We're too busy to RSVP -- too busy looking for our next job, searching for cheaper gas prices and worrying about our sons and daughters getting blown up over in Occupied Iraq.

But there is something that we CAN do.

Every time we see a newspaper or a TV show refer to George Bush as "The President" -- well. Let them know. He's not OUR President. Even KPFA, the local progressive radio station, still calls Bush "The President". You gotta be ELECTED to be called that. From now on, let's call him simply The President [sic].

It's time to give GWB the cold shoulder, the snub, the infamous Cut Direct. We want to sing "Happy Birthday" to a REAL President, not some hot-wired joke. Where is John F. Kennedy when we need him? Where is Marilyn Monroe?

PS: Bush CAN'T be Marilyn Monroe. She is rumored to have slept with a president. Bush can't make that claim.

PPS: Can male prostitute Jeff Gannon make that claim? According to the Secret Service, he can. Gannon has spent the night at the White House up to EIGHTEEN times recently. Now, why would he want to do that? According to the Voice of the White House, if Gannon were having a tryst with just any White House employee, they could simply go to a motel after hours -- unless of course this White House Person couldn't leave the building due to security.... But who among the many White House employees would fit THAT description? Hint: It ain't John Kerry or Al Gore!
Jordan's revenge: Sending his parents to an abusive rest home in Montana!

When 15-year-old Jordan was first kidnapped from his home in the middle of the night and dragged off to an unregulated "Behavior Modification" program in the outback of nowhere, I was naive enough to think I could simply write him a letter and then he would write me back.

"Return to sender. Address unknown."

Holding a child completely incommunicado as if he had disappeared off the face of the earth? That's un-American! Forget that. I began a one-person letter-writing campaign to shut these "gulags" down. No luck. The "troubled parent" industry rakes in approximately two billion dollars a year. I didn't stand a chance.

My friend MA Dark just told me not to worry, however. Apparently there are more subtle forces at work than my kitchen-table letter barrage -- and they will most certainly shut these God-forsaken places down. Oh, goody!

"If these places are charging parents $4,000 a month," said MA, "that's not going to last too much longer. With the economy tanking, soon only the very wealthy will be able to afford those schools." And you KNOW that the very wealthy aren't going to be warehousing their children in some tacky prison camp in the wilds of Montana that isn't accredited to get the "family scion" into Yale.

Then Joe Thompson joined the conversation and started riffing about baseball. "Jane, not to worry. These programs will soon be going down the tubes. One of my barometers for the economy is children's organized sports. Three Little League baseball tournaments have been canceled over the past three weeks because of a shortage of players. Parents can no longer afford it." Parents can no longer afford Little League? That's scary.

With Bush and Rove at America's economic helm, can the 50,000 parents who now send their kids to behavior modification "schools" still be able to afford to support these hell holes? No no no. I never thought I would be grateful to Dubya for anything but it looks like Bush is actually helping to shut these terrible places down!

Thanks for the economic analysis, Joe and MA. And for the hope.

Here's another little ray of hope -- or at least a taste of revenge!

Someday -- maybe not today or tomorrow but someday -- Jordan is going to get out of that ghastly "Behavior Modification" program. And someday -- not in the near-distant future but someday -- Jordan's parents are gonna grow old. I can see it all now. Just as they are going to bed for the evening, Jordan will tell them the news. "So. Mom and Dad. I have a little surprise for you. Because I love you so much -- but you've been a little defiant lately -- I am going to send you on a nice little vacation to a sweet little place in the Montana mountains. And it will be FOR YOUR OWN GOOD...."

Then, after Jordan's parents are trustingly and unsuspectingly tucked into their beds for the night, "transporters" will sneak into the house, kidnap the parents and drag them off to the snows of Montana to an UNREGULATED old people's home!

Once there, no one will be allowed to communicate with them, they will be tortured and starved and they will not be allowed to come home until they have been brainwashed into thinking that Jordan is God. And if they dare try to run away from their home for "troubled seniors," the local Sheriff's department will hunt them down.

PS: Jordan is not the only American kid with troubles. In "these United States," children are constantly being kidnapped, exploited, RAPED, murdered and having their lunch money stolen (by the Bush administration no less!) What's with all those milk carton photos?

Some of the stories from my e-mail prayer list about babies being starved, abused and neglected in this "Land of Plenty" would curl your hair. And then there is the heartless and wholesale bombing of the Afghanistan, Iraq, Columbia, Haiti and Israel/Palestine kindergarten set. Not to mention the shameless exploitation both here and abroad of children's minds, innocence, imaginations (and fat cells) by corporations just out to make a buck -- at any cost. Plus what about that pregnant 13-year-old ward of the State in Florida? How did that happen, Jeb?

In some cultures, children are sacred. It's time for America to start thinking that way too.


Happy Mother's Day! Moms, the dudes in the White House have robbed our children blind in order to line their pocketbooks. Now it's up to us.