Friday, December 13, 2013

Why life is like a football field

     While watching football games on TV, we see players charge into danger, get their bodies beaten all to hell by opponents, injure their knees, walk away with "shaken baby syndrome" and sometimes even break a few bones -- yet despite all this mayhem, players always seem to be having a whole bunch of fun at the same time. 

     And life too is like that -- or at least it could be.  Life always throws all kinds of obstacles in our paths.  "Bad things happen."  You can always expect them like clockwork.  That's just the way life is.  And you can then fold under the weight of it all -- or you can look at the future with undisguised glee, with the same attitude as football players.  Charge ahead.  Grin.  Enjoy the game!

     Life is a contact sport, guys.  Let's suit up.

PS:  The current challenge that life is handing me right now is how to deal with the pain of an abscessed tooth.  You can't just get your teeth fixed on Medi-Cal any more  Plus even finding someone to pull it out for less than a small fortune is a Herculean task.  What to do?  FaceBook to the rescue!  Here's some examples of the good advice I've received from Team FaceBook:

     "Put salt on it."

     "Soak it in whiskey."

     "Use Theodent chocolate toothpaste.  It's better than fluoride."

     "Go to Highland Hospital or the UCSF school of dentistry.  They will pull it for cheap."

     "Do one of those dental-tourism thingies."  Sorry, no use.  At this point in time, I can't afford to do one of those.

      But this suggestion is my favorite:  "Tie a string to a door."

      In any case, here's me, facing the future squarely, charging boldly down the field.  A trip to the UCSF School of Dentistry revealed that a former root canal on my tooth had been done wrong, that the tooth was now unsalvageable and that I could gladly pay them $15 Tuesday for an extraction appointment today.  "Score!"

     But then a trip to San Francisco's beautiful old Ferry Building on the way home helped a lot to distract me from thoughts of the coming ordeal.  And, of course, images of the Tooth Fairy possibly leaving enough money under my pillow to pay for an implant -- that also helped.

     And now I'm all getting ready for life's next challenging scrimmage -- because you can always guarantee that it won't ever be long before the next one comes along. 

PPS:  And speaking of scrimmages, it looks like we are all going to be having Big Fun dealing with the next huge challenge life is throwing our way -- trying to stop the human race from going belly-up in the near future due to climate change.  According to journalist Tim Donovan, a climate-change apocalypse is already on its way here. 

     "Last week," says Donovan, "I argued that it’s wholly unrealistic to assume humanity will undertake the massive, world-changing, economy-disrupting policy solutions needed for us to even stand a chance of long-term survival.  Given that our local political and economic systems are as fragile, stalled and polarized as they’ve been in most of American history, these predictions only seem more dire, and the problem only more intractable."

    I have two thoughts on this terrible situation.  First, a good apocalypse will surely take my mind off my poor abscessed tooth!  And it might even take the GOP's mind off of Benghazi and ObamaCare too.  Hey, it could happen.  Rove and Eric Canter and the Koch brothers will finally stop fretting about the CIA and the ACA -- because they will be dead like the rest of us!  Sorry, guys, but your flashy new bunkers and greedy bank vaults full of moola won't save you either.

     And, second, in order to save the world from those evil corporatist Nazi bastards during WWII, we Americans mobilized everything we had, even down to planting victory gardens in our smallest back yards.   And now we need to do that exact same kind of extreme mobilization again today -- in order to save the world from itself!

PPPS:  I myself have never particularly liked football -- until the other day, when I met Colin Kaepernick.  What a nice guy.  Now all I gotta say is, "Go Niners!"  Or at least until they sell out and move down to Santa Clara.  And "Go Raiders" too -- for as long as they stay in Oakland where they belong.


Advertizements for myself: In these hard times of brutal (and illegal) corporatist ball-busting socialism-for-the-rich-only, I am doing whatever I can to make a spare dollar. Here are some of my current alternate-economy schemes that never seem to work -- but I keep hoping!

If anyone ever wants to hire me on as a travel writer (or war correspondent), "Have laptop, will travel!"

Need someone to help you throw out stuff? I'm really good at deciding what needs to be thrown out (starting with all those corporate-owned bums in Washington!)


Need an actor to play an older woman in your movie?
Then I'm your man! I can portray all kinds of older women -- from judges, business execs and other insane zombies to bag ladies, cancer patients, kindly grandmothers and dying patients in rest homes. I've played them all. So send me a script and let's do this. Hollywood, here we come! Here's my reel:

Are you a plaintiffs' attorney who is tired of writing those pesky personal injury settlement briefs all the time? No problem! I can write them for you. Years of experience. And pay me only if you win the case.

I recently got my Notary Public commission!

Need a Notary Public? Have seal, will travel. E-mail me at and I'll stamp your document, make it official and only charge $10. Of course if you live outside of Berkeley, I may have to charge travel expenses -- but am well worth it!

Want something good to read? Buy my book! "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket: Helpful Tips for Touring Today's Middle East," available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. It's like if Jack Kerouac, Mark Twain and/or Janet Evanovich went to war.

I also wrote a book about going on Hajj (also included as a chapter in "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket," but this book is cheaper -- but it's worth buying them both!) My book on the Hajj is so outstanding that I bet even Christian fundamentalists will love it! Please buy it here:


"Imagine a world where EVERY child is wanted, nurtured, protected and loved: World peace in one generation!"
You can now buy T-shirts, coffee mugs, tote bags, truckers' caps, baby gear and/or teddy bears with this logo printed on them. They make great gifts, especially for parents and teachers. To purchase, just click here:
"Life is a competition. The winners are the ones who do the most good deeds."
You can also buy T-shirts, coffee mugs, tote bags, truckers' caps, baby gear and/or teddy bears with this logo printed on them. They make great gifts, especially for those of us who are still idealists in these troubled times. To purchase, just click here: