Friday, December 31, 2004

A Connecticut Yankee at the Crawford ranch: Carpetbagging as an art form

In The Last Juror, a John Grisham novel, the hero moves to a small town in Mississippi and soon discovers that "it takes at least three generations to be accepted in Ford County. Regardless of money or breeding, one cannot simply move there and be trusted: A dark cloud of suspicion hangs over any newcomer and I was no exception."

So? Where is the "dark cloud of suspicion" hanging over George Bush? This self-styled "Bubba" was born in Connecticut, went to prep school in Massachusetts and only developed his Good Ol' Boy style while slumming in Texas over Christmas vacations. This man is as Yankee as you can get without playing in a World Series.

Yet, despite all this, the Old South loves George Bush. Why? All y'all are going to have to explain this to me because I just don't get it.

* Crawford Ranch was only built four years ago. It is NOT a ranch. It has no cattle. Bush is even afraid of horses.

* Not since General Sherman marched to the sea in 1864 has anyone sacked and burned the economy of Dixie as successfully as our Dubya. He has turned carpetbagging into an art form.

* When George wants to hang out with HIS good ol' boys, he goes to Maine and Wall Street. Or to a reunion at Yale.

The only Southern things about Dubya that I can see are his flair for back-room political deals, his attempts to keep African-Americans from voting, his "Ol' Massah" disrespect for anyone -- black or white -- who works for a living instead of sitting on the veranda of the White House sipping mint juleps; and his promotion of the kind of hate-mongering mentality that encourages lynch mobs.

What about all the good things that the South has to offer? The hospitality, the courage, the religion...not to mention the Dukes of Hazard, Martin Luther King, the Kentucky Derby, gospel music, honor, Southern Comfort and barbecue. GWB never got around to learning about those ones.

It looks to me like Bush's idea of Southern life comes from watching too many re-runs of "Deliverance" -- because whether Dubya is dealing with the churches of Alabama or the archives of the Texas National Guard or the prisons of Abu Ghraib or FEMA funds and voting machines in Florida, all y'all are fo' sho' getting screwed.

Deliverance -- movie review:

From Joe in Tennessee: Jane, the answer [to why the south loves Dubya] is very simple and one you should have picked up on long ago. He owns a chainsaw.

From Charlie in Mississippi: Jane, it works this way; Southerners always vote against their interests. A friend of mine labeled this phenomenon as the votes of the independently poor.

With up to 400,000 dead in Asia, why keep killing people in Iraq?

With the dead of Asia spread out before us like some nightmare Van Helsing movie come to life, it seems a bit presumptuous to me for George Bush to continue to play God and go on killing and killing and killing in Iraq.

Would it finally come into perspective for Americans to know that Bush is spending the same amount of money in aid for the millions of tsunami victims in Asia as he spends in just FOUR HOURS on killing people in Iraq?

Thousands of Americans were killed and wounded in Thailand. Thousands of Americans were killed and wounded in Iraq. One was a natural disaster. The other is a stupid, senseless waste.

Bush plans to spend more money on his inauguration party than he will spend on aid to the worst natural disaster in history.

Bush spends more money in ONE HOUR in Iraq than he spends on relief to the terrible AIDS epidemic in Africa. 2,000 people a WEEK die of AIDS in Zimbabwe alone. They have a 45-minute rule in Zimbabwe -- funerals are not allowed to run over 45 minutes. There just isn't time. Corpses are buried in stacks.

Bush is spending more money on killing people in Iraq in a month -- or is it a week? -- than he spends on health care in America in a year.

And the dead just keep on piling up.

Isn't there enough death in the world already? Are we going to continue to let George Bush play God -- and go on killing and killing and killing in Iraq?

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Election fraud: Ignored by everyone -- even Ripley's Believe it or Not!

While I was on vacation, I talked with people from all over America. "I have here in my hand," I told them, "absolute proof that George Bush stole the 2004 election."

No one wanted to see my proof.

No one even cared.

If I had made this outrageous statement to George Washington or Thomas Jefferson, they would have ripped the documents right out of my hand in their haste to get to the truth. "What do you mean -- election fraud? That's a serious accusation. Can you REALLY prove it? Either show us some real proof or shut up about it."

If I were a patriotic American and someone offered to show ME proof that a US presidential election had been stolen, I would want to see it. Is this actually true or is this person some kind of nut or kook?

Americans all want to find out more about Ripley's two-headed calf. But what about the strange case of the stolen 2004 election? It is possibly an even bigger scandal than that Bush was warned at least 28 times about an attack on America prior to 9-11. It is the Mount Rushmore of chicanery, the amazing shrunken head of deceit, the Grand Canyon of skulduggery and the two-ton pizza of voter fraud.

So. What was the reaction of the average American when I promised them all this irrefutable PROOF of massive voter fraud? "Ho hum. That's boring. Let's talk about something else." This is the most shocking accusation ever made and NO ONE IS INTERESTED.

"Please!" I begged Americans. "If you care about honesty and decency and the soul of America, please just read this!" They sighed, shook their heads, looked inconvenienced and fervently hoped that I would just shut up and go away.

"Five convicted felons wrote the Diebold software!" I cried. "EVERY SINGLE ONE of the thousands of errors detected on Florida voting machines were in favor of George Bush! Private companies sworn to elect Bush counted 80% of America's votes! In at least ten Ohio precincts with only 600 registered voters each, 4,000 per precinct voted for Bush!"

Even though every word of what I say about the 2004 stolen election can be proved, no one believes me. No one listens to me. No one cares.

This response by Americans is so strange, so weird, so truly bizarre that is deserves to be published in Ripley's Believe it or Not!

Not to mention that two (2) stolen US presidential elections in a row should surely make the Guinness Book of World Records.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

George Bush and the return of Little Black Sambo

Remember Goodman, Schwerner and Cheney -- and the Civil Rights Summer of 1964? How brave we all were back then as we worked hand in hand for a new world of hope and justice and harmony where "colored people" would be allowed to vote.

It's 40 years later and "colored people" are still being systematically deprived of their right to vote -- only this time on such a grand scale that it would cause even Martin Luther King's jaw to drop.

I marched in Montgomery.

I was at Malcolm X's funeral.

I taught in freedom schools, I picketed, I marched. And for every white person like me out on the line, there were at least five "Negroes" risking their lives to have the right to vote.

Now, 40 years later, George Bush is doing every single thing he can think of to resurrect Jim Crow, Stephen Fetchet and Little Black Sambo.

In predominantly African-American precincts in Florida and Ohio in November 2004, absentee ballots were lost, people were intimidated, voting machines were not provided, legitimate voters were "purged" from voting lists, people were instructed to vote on the wrong day, provisional ballots were "lost," votes disappeared and even dead people were allowed to vote as long as they voted for George W. Bush.

I don't know how African-Americans feel about being placed once again at the back of the bus but I know how I feel. I am totally pissed off!

In 1964, civil rights worker James Cheney was lynched because he tried to help secure Black people's right to vote. His battered body was found at the bottom of a river in Mississippi on June 1964.

James Cheney died in order to protect EVERY American's right to vote.

Now there is a new Cheney in town -- a ruthless man who wants to turn back the clock to the bad old days of bigotry, racism and Jim Crow. Dick Cheney should be ashamed for trying to steal the souls of Black folk.

"I have a dream where a man will be judged by the content of his character and not by the color of his skin," said Martin Luther King. And to the bigoted hateful corrupt men in the White House today who are once again stealing the African-American vote, I have this to say: We stopped this criminal behavior once and we'll stop it again.

"We SHALL overcome."

Friday, December 10, 2004

Beyond Neverland: What to do AFTER we've deposed of GWB Hook

No, I'm not identifying with Peter Pan these days because America has become NeverNeverLand. I identify with Peter Pan because I'm just a little guy up against the Prince of Darkness. "Jane! Don't you know that all your efforts aren't doing any good? You are just one little person up against a 100-trillion-dollar mob. Give it up!"


I'll just think happy thoughts, cover myself with pixie dust and keep dreaming of a better world. If accepting wholesale slaughter, corporate welfare corruption and the loss of democracy is the price of growing up, forget it! I'm never going to grow up.

I'm gonna crow and crow and crow.

So. Everybody knows that my short-range goal is to see George Bush in jail. I want to see a mug shot of him wearing an orange jump suit. But what is my long-range goal?

I want more good stuff for Americans -- and the rest of the human race as well -- than even Peter Pan could imagine. But, more important, I want to rescue the ONE BILLION lost boys of the world.

As a friend recently pointed out, "Jane, did you ever think that you might be obsessed?"

Oh yeah. Tinkerbell has nothing on me.

It's time for the human race to evolve beyond Captain Hook -- beyond the unbelievable cruelty and greed of the raider-killers, corporate welfare queens, blood-thirsty "Christians" who won't be happy until they have blown up the world and the ONE BILLION children who, according to UNICEF, are growing up in such grubby horror that we, the parents of the world, should be truly ashamed.

A vision of a world where all children are wanted, nurtured, protected and loved -- that's something to crow about. That's the magic pixie dust we need. Plus it's cheaper than depleted uranium -- and it allows us to fly.

How do we get there? Second star to the right? No. Read John Gray's book "Children are From Heaven".and apply what you learn.

Children come into this world as angels, wanting nothing more than to be of help. It's time we stop twisting them into pirates and crocodiles. It's time for GWB Hook to crawl back under a rock. And it's time for the Peter Pan in all of us to start demanding a better world.

I want the ideal world that is the dream of Jesus and Buddha. And it seems to me that, given our wealth and technology, ALL OF US can have it. Even the totally lost boys who are now running our Congress, White House and Penatgon.


FOCUS One Billion 'Denied a Childhood'

Monday, December 06, 2004

Goldfinger: What to do after Bush debases the dollar

"With the monetary dollar value sinking, how can I protect my nest egg?" That's easy. Hoard gold!

"But gold is $425 an ounce!" Ouch.

Okay. Here's the situation: George Bush is debasing the dollar as fast as the living daylights -- but it is illegal to buy, own or smuggle in gold (unless you are James Bond.)

Can you go down to the local "Gold Bars R Us" and fill your shopping cart with Krugerrands and gold doubloons? Not unless you can afford $425 an ounce at the check-out stand.

Can you pan gold yourself up at Sutter's Mill? Not unless you wanna stand waist-deep in snow-fed rivers for years and years. Got arthritis? Ouch!

Can you smuggle gold bars in from Switzerland? Hell no. You'll go to jail. It's ILLEGAL to import gold.

Can you organize Ocean's 12 and knock off Fort Knox? Richard Nixon already did that. Fort Knox no longer has any gold.

Can you jump on the Bush band wagon, become a corporate welfare queen and share in the maze of gold stored in bunkers under the Crawford Ranch? Like Bush would even think of allowing you and me near the place. Ha.

So. Okay. Here we are. You don't have to be Moonraker or Octopussy to know that the dollar is about to crash. Inflation, devaluation and George's poor math skills have made this almost a done deal. And the Goldfingers in the White House have made absolutely sure that you can't get your hands on any gold. But you want to protect your nest egg. What do you do?

You have about six months to think of something, Mr. Bond.

And if you do, please let the rest of America know!

You gotta read this: Conyers to Hold Hearings on Ohio Vote Fraud

From me: I will be 20 miles from the nearest TV until the end of the year. Will somebody PLEASE tape The Apprentice, The Top Model, The Survivor and The Biggest Loser for me? Eva? Sandy? Scout? Mo? Hey. I gotta know. I'm only human.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

The Ghost of Christmas Future tells all: $2 a day wages and the Rape of Cincinnati

The Ghost of Christmas Future appeared to me last night.

"What did he look like? What did he say?"

"He wore a caveman outfit and rode a bike. It was a Schwinn. He showed me what I would look like after I gained 50 pounds and told me to lay off the eggnog."

"That's all? That's IT?"

"Nope. He also showed me what will happen to Americans if they keep that idiot George Bush in office." It was not a pretty picture. He took me to the Philippines first. What I saw there was really scary.

"Way back in 2004," stated the Ghost as he adjusted his bearskin and parked the Schwinn, "something tragic happened here. Government tanks rolled into this small farming community, moved into position and opened fire on a group of Filipino farm workers who were walking a picket line. They were protesting having to work for 17 cents a day." Did I hear that right? 17 cents a DAY? "They killed 12 adults and a two-year-old and a five-year-old child."

That day, the Filipino government proved to be the wave of the future, showing the Bush government how to use tanks on striking two-year-olds. The Filipino government and the Bush government are both big fans of cheap labor.

"By 2007, Americans were working for $2.00 an hour," said the Ghost. "Today, Americans are well on their way to making 17 cents an hour. 17 cents a day will come later."

After a tour of the hovels and sweatshops of New York, Kansas and California, we got back on the Schwinn and flew over Cincinnati but there weren't any sweatshops there. Not even hovels. Cincinnati was a smoldering ruin. "Good God! What happened?"

"What goes around comes around," said the Ghost of Christmas Future. "Bush raped Iraq. That left America vulnerable to the Rape of Cincinnati." Who did this? Muslims?

"No. When the dollar collapsed in 2005, Bush retaliated by launching a preemptive strike on the EU, Russia, Japan and China. They struck back."

"That's terrible! This is a nightmare!" I wrung my hands. "What can I do to change this terrible future! What can I do!"

"You can start by laying off the eggnog." No problem!

"Next you gotta do everything in your power to get those psychopaths and corporate welfare queens out of Washington and back in the sewer where they belong." Eeuuuu. I HATE snakes. But by the time the Schwinn touched back down at my house, I was READY. Economic boycotts, legal protests, e-mail and post card campaigns, TV ads, secession, ballot initiatives, walking naked down the freeway -- I'm doing whatever it takes to avoid $2 a day and the Rape of Cincinnati!

Ya think the Ghost of Christmas Future got on MY case? Imagine what he said to George Bush! "Spread out below you, end to end from here to Denver, are the shrouds of the hundreds of thousands of people you killed, Georgie boy. You are in Big Trouble. God's getting ready to open a REALLY BIG can of whup-ass on you."

It's still not too late to avoid all this, George. Stop lying, killing, defrauding and blaspheming and the Ghost of Christmas Future might even stop all his talk about international war crimes tribunals, orange jump suits and jail. God may even forgive you. Who knows. But I won't. Not unless there's a WHOLE bunch of eggnog involved.