Friday, February 02, 2007

Ugly Betty: What would happen if GWB ran Mode magazine?

The news from Iraq is TERRIBLE these days but you wouldn't know it from reading the newspapers because President [sic] Bush and the Pentagon employ hordes of public relations teams to keep the American public in the dark about what is really going on over there -- and they even try to make it sound all heroic. For instance, just look at the outrageous spin the neo-cons perpetrated recently on the "Battle of Najaf".

At first the American public was told that our brave American troops had fought heroically against great odds, just barely surviving a huge firefight outside of Najaf wherein 250 cult crazies working for Iran and Al Qaeda were killed before they could "occupy Najaf and then topple the Iraqi government". That's heady stuff!

But gradually the truth came out -- that what really had happened was that some local village families were on a pilgrimage to the holy city of Najaf when Iraqi troops opened fire on them for some unknown reason and when the pilgrims fought back instead of just standing around waiting to get slaughtered, the Iraqi troops telephoned American occupation forces and told them that they were being attacked by Al Qaeda. American fighter planes then arrived and bombed all the pilgrim families to death.

This kind of lying and scheming against America's best interests is shameful. And for all of you "Ugly Betty" fans out there, let me put this outrage in terms you will instantly understand. "Not even Wilhelmina Slater could make up such an evil, scheming, misleading, conniving bare-faced lie!" Yet Bush, Cheney and the Pentagon condoned all this false reporting without even batting an eyelash (or letting duck "hormones" get in their way....)

What exactly is GOING ON over in Iraq? "Ugly Betty" fans will immediately understand the situation. To put it simply, "Bush and Cheney are acting like the evil Alexa!"

For the uninitiated, Alexa Meade -- who used to be Alex, a wealthy publishing magnate's son who had supposedly died in a skiing accident but who has now come back from the dead in a woman's body and in the middle of Fashion Week! -- is out to seize the Meade publication empire from his good-guy brother Daniel, Ugly Betty's boss.

Meanwhile Alexa, who up until the last episode we didn't know was alive because we had only seen her lurking in the shadows behind a veiled curtain and plotting her take-over move, has been manipulating her loyal puppets at Mode magazine -- that would be Wilhelmina, Amanda and Marc -- from deep cover, behind the scenes.

And like Alexa at Mode, Bush and Cheney are also plotting and planning and lying and manipulating clandestinely in order to destroy their enemies. And so far, their enemies appear to be the people of Iraq (and the people of America too -- but let's save that plot for next season). And like the way that Alexa is scheming to take over Mode's bank account, Bush and Cheney are scheming to take over Iraq's oil.

So. What if Alexa DOES take over Mode and ousts Daniel and Ugly Betty? Will Mode then become a better magazine? Not. Like what happened to America when Bush and Cheney seized control, Mode's quality will go way down while its prices will go way up. Why? Because Alexa and Wilhelmina, bless their hearts, are scheming liars and fakes but Ugly Betty, like most stout-hearted Americans, is honest and reliable and virtuous and REAL.

If GWB took over Mode magazine, even the staunchest fashionistas would stop reading it because it would just become some stupid propaganda rag without an original thought -- tacky.

If Bush and Cheney ran Mode the way that they have run Iraq -- four long, painful years of bloody and expensive failure -- that magazine would be in bankruptcy in less than six months. Right now, the only difference between the evil schemers at the White House and the evil schemers at Mode magazine are:

1. At the White House, Ugly Betty isn't there to save the day;

2. While the evil Alexa is only playing around with Prada and Jimmy Choo, the evil GWB is playing around with people's LIVES. The evil Alexa is only trying to destroy a fashion magazine. But person by person, house by house, street by street, farm by farm, village by village, shrine by shrine, marketplace by marketplace, school by school, hospital by hospital, child by child -- George Bush's lying and manipulation and John Negroponte's "Salvador Option" have destroyed Iraq.

PS: Here are some of Molly Ivin's last words: "The president [sic] of the United States does not have the sense God gave a duck -- so it's up to us. You and me, Bubba. I don't know why Bush is just standing there like a frozen rabbit, but it's time we found out. The fact is WE have to do something about it. This country is being torn apart by an evil and unnecessary war, and it has to be stopped NOW."

PPS: Rebecca Romijn (pronounced "Romaine"), the statuesque blond actress/Victoria's Secret supermodel who plays Alexa on "Ugly Betty", went to our very own Berkeley High School -- so she can't be all THAT bad!