At the LLC murder-mystery convention: Nobody's mentioned Flight 370 so far...

     While driving to a murder-mystery writers' and readers' convention in Monterey, CA the other day, I stopped by Silicon Valley to have lunch with my old college sweetheart.  Good grief!  How come I have aged so much and he hasn't?  That's totally not fair.  http://www.leftcoastcrime.org/2014/

     A friend of mine in Germany had emailed me that I absolutely, positively had to visit the Paris Bakery while I was in Monterey http://parisbakery.us/.  Which I did.  And got hooked.  So much for my gluten-free diet.  It's clear that I'm gonna pay a steep price for this discrepancy when I get home.  But not now!  Too many eclairs, croissants and napoleons to sample.  Greed triumphs over common sense.  Again.

    Once actually at the convention, I immediately scored my 40 pounds of free books.  First things first.  Greed again.  Who would have thought that I was such a hoarder.  But apparently I am.  Who can possibly read three murder mysteries per day for a year?  That's just plain greedy.  It's like how the U.S. military collects all those countries, weapons and bombs.  Hoarding.  Just plain greed.  Except that you can't blow up cities and kill babies with books.

    But how can I possibly begin to describe this convention?  All kinds of fabulous authors spoke.  And in between sessions, I ran off to the movies and saw "Omar" (you just gotta see it!), the Grand Budapest Hotel (laughed my socks off) and "Tim's Vermeer (very interesting of course but I dozed off for a few minutes half way through -- it was PBS on steroids).

     My favorite authors speaking here were Lisa Brackmann, Johnny Shaw, Louise Penny, Cara Black, Brad Parks, Laurie R. King, Terry Shames, Rhys Bowen, Lee Goldberg, Sue Grafton, Sophie Littlefield, Simon Wood, Doc Macomber, Robert Kroese, Kelli Stanley.... Oh hell, they were all my favorites.  http://www.lisabrackmann.com/books/rock-paper-tiger/

     Except that Janet Evanovich wasn't there. 

     And all of these fabulous authors gave talks and/or spoke on panels.  But not even one of them mentioned the strange mystery of the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines 370 -- or why it went down in the southern Indian Ocean instead of landing safely in Beijing -- closer to Diego Garcia than to Peking duck.  That's a hecka long way to be off course.

     Anyway, my main take-away from the first day of the conference did solve one big mystery for me -- why in the world do I like crime-fiction novels so much?  At a panel discussing murder mysteries and social justice, one author stated that, "I never write about anything that involves social justice.  My books are just straight crime novels."  Which caused a light bulb to turn on in my brain.

    "Every single murder mystery ever written is always solely about social justice -- or even just plain justice itself," I replied during the Q&A.  "They all have to do with bringing killers to justice.  And in every single one of these books, justice is always obtained."  No wonder I like murder mysteries.  I am such a big fan of Justice -- with a capital J.  If only we could track down all those evil killers on the national and international political scene as successfully as Sherlock Holmes or Aimee LeDuc or Kinsey Millhone or Ellie McEnroe tracked down their bad guys.

    But it's all a matter of transparency.  In crime-fiction novels, transparency is always achieved eventually.  But in the covert world of the CIA, the Pentagon, NSA, Washington and Wall Street, transparency sucks eggs.

    And the greatest murder-mysteries of our day -- deadly climate change, sleazy bankster fraud, Monsanto's silent-but-deadly GMOs, unconscionable War Street attacks on the Middle East and the creepy neo-Nazi corporatists' takeover of our government -- may never be solved.  Until it's too late, that is.  "Oh, now we know who-done-it!" we will all cry out -- cry out from our graves.

PS:  Meanwhile, back at the Paris Bakery, there are even more important mysteries to be solved.  Should I have almond croissants or eclairs for breakfast?  Or that round thingie over there with all that whipped cream?

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Advertizements for myself: In these hard times of brutal (and illegal) corporatist ball-busting socialism-for-the-rich-only, I am doing whatever I can to make a spare dollar. Here are some of my current alternate-economy schemes that never seem to work -- but I keep hoping!
******

If anyone ever wants to hire me on as a travel writer (or war correspondent), "Have laptop, will travel!"  And I would really like to go back to Iraq to see how things are now.  Or to Timbuktu.  Never been there.  Or Ukraine or Syria -- or Oklahoma, Hawaii or Milwaukee.  Never been there either.  But can't afford to go on my own.

******

 
Need someone to help you throw out stuff? I'm really good at deciding what needs to be thrown out (starting with all those corporate-owned bums in Washington!)

****
Need an actor to play an older woman in your movie? Then I'm your man! I can portray all kinds of older women -- from judges, business execs and other insane zombies to bag ladies, cancer patients, kindly grandmothers and dying patients in rest homes. I've played them all. So send me a script and let's do this. Hollywood, here we come! Here's my new 2014 reel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uad0XDU_cXg&feature=youtube_gdata
****
Are you a plaintiffs' attorney who is tired of writing those pesky personal injury settlement briefs all the time? No problem! I can write them for you. Years of experience. And pay me only if you win the case.
****

I recently got my Notary Public commission!

Need a Notary Public? Have seal, will travel. E-mail me at jpstillwater@yahoo.com and I'll stamp your document, make it official and only charge $10. Of course if you live outside of Berkeley, I may have to charge travel expenses -- but am well worth it!

****

Want something good to read? Buy my book! "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket: Helpful Tips for Touring Today's Middle East," available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. http://www.amazon.com/Bring-Your-Own-Flak-Jacket/dp/0978615719/ref=cm_pdp_rev_itm_title_1. It's like if Jack Kerouac, Mark Twain and/or Janet Evanovich went to war.

I also wrote a book about going on Hajj (also included as a chapter in "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket," but this book is cheaper -- but it's worth buying them both!) My book on the Hajj is so outstanding that I bet even Christian fundamentalists will love it! Please buy it here: http://www.amazon.com/Mecca-Hajj-Lessons-Islamic-School/dp/0978615700/ref=cm_rdp_product
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"Imagine a world where EVERY child is wanted, nurtured, protected and loved: World peace in one generation!"You can now buy T-shirts, coffee mugs, tote bags, truckers' caps, baby gear and/or teddy bears with this logo printed on them. They make great gifts, especially for parents and teachers. To purchase, just click here:http://www.cafepress.com/StillTWaters


"Life is a competition. The winners are the ones who do the most good deeds." You can also buy T-shirts, coffee mugs, tote bags, truckers' caps, baby gear and/or teddy bears with this logo printed on them. They make great gifts, especially for those of us who are still idealists in these troubled times. To purchase, just click here: http://www.cafepress.com/StillTWaters 

Want to see real capitalism? Go to Haiti!

     You think that all those fat-cat corporatist billionaires on Wall Street are capitalists?  Not even close! 

     Those guys have systematically and carefully cocooned themselves inside of a risk-free, artificially-induced highly-rigged monopoly-style con-game bubble -- created at great cost to salt-of-the-earth types like you and me.  And inside of this fairy-tale ponzi-scheme bubble, the top dogs all cheat and steal, no one goes to jail and you and I are their shills.  Welfare for the rich?  Yes.  Capitalism?  No, no, no and no.  http://www.salon.com/2014/03/07/texas_miracle_turns_out_to_involve_taxing_the_poor_to_help_the_rich_get_richer/

 But just come to Haiti and you will immediately see true capitalism at work -- on every street corner.  Everyone here has something to sell.  It's amazing!  The competition is fierce.  There are no monopolies.  Nothing is risk-free.  There are no artificially-created safety nets.  And U.S. corporate fat-cats would only last about five minutes here.

    Everywhere you look in Haiti, there is someone setting up a booth or offering a handful of goods to sell or improvising a restaurant on wheels -- or in a wheel barrow. 

    Ariana Huffington just published a book called "Thrive," and in the opening chapter she talks about how trying to make it in the corporate world has led to very high levels of stress.  http://www.scribd.com/doc/208029742/Thrive-by-Arianna-Huffington-Excerpt?secret_password=12tzqe0gw7cic5epttqj  I would dearly love to see Wall Street CEOs and high-powered American executives who make 30 million-plus a year with the help of a lapdog government that they own lock stock and barrel -- would love to see these spoiled brats and primadonnas get their asses kicked by the competition of trying to sell yams or used T-shirts on the streets of Port au Prince.

    Within a half-hour at most, these fancy dudes would be begging to be taken back to their sweet little tax shelters and big-bank scams.  "Please!  I hate real-life capitalism!  Get me out of here!  Please!" 

     Haitians work their butts off making capitalism work for them! 

     Any fool can put together a housing-market scam if they have a trillion dollars to back them and a government to keep them out of jail.  But Haitians know that they have no silver spoons in their mouths, no old-boy networks, no soft defense-industry contracts and no fleeced American taxpayers to soften their fall.  If Haitians don't make it in their own capitalist world, they die.  Period.

     When was the last time those welfare-for-the-rich dudes risked more than a hangnail?  Libertarianism? Rugged individualism?  My foot!  http://billmoyers.com/episode/the-deep-state-hiding-in-plain-sight/

PS:  Haiti is also the place where used T-shirts from America go to die, after they have been tossed out of our closets.  There are all kinds of used T-shirts down here, that say almost anything on their fronts -- and always say it in English.

PPS:  Want an example of rigged "capitalism" in America?  Here it is.  Our judicial system happily supports deregulation on Wall Street and also supports War Street's right to attack other countries illegally at will.  Anyone with half a brain and wi-fi access knows that.  But might our judges possibly go out on a limb and support net neutrality -- just because American taxpayers paid for its creation?  Not on your life.  http://www.salon.com/2013/08/17/chomsky_the_u_s_behaves_nothing_like_a_democracy/

     "But, Jane, what's so important about net neutrality?" you might ask.  It's this:  If you can't afford to pay big bucks in order to get decent internet speed, then you are automatically being censored and controlled.  It's all about access.  While down here in Haiti, I have certainly found out about that. 

     Down here the internet is so slow that it takes me at least two hours to put together an article, plus another three hours to get it to post on my blog, while I wait around for everything to reload.  And that's on a good day.  So while all of my blog posts are being written by hand down here Haiti, I will have to wait until I get home to send them out.  What a bother.  Who has five hours of internet frustration to spare every day or the patience to wait and wait to reload?  Not me.

    The slow internet here has also slowed me down a whole lot.  I don't even want to blog anymore most of the time.  And when that happens in the USA too because I can't afford to buy fast internet speed?  Then, snap!  I will have been effectively shut up and shut down -- without the Deep State even having to lift a finger to stop me.  "Damn those pesky liberal bloggers.  We've certainly showed them."

    But there wouldn't be any problems with net neutrality at all back in the States if capitalism was really working there -- and artificial monopolies like Comcast, AT&T, Verizon, etc. didn't have Congress and the courts in their pockets, creating yet another expensive hidden tax on you and me.  And some start-up kids with a garage-app in Mountain View would be supplying us with high speed internet for about five bucks a month.

    Want another example of welfare-for-the-rich?  That's easy.  American taxpayers have been forced to fork over trillions of dollars in Afghanistan, Libya, Iraq, Ukraine, Syria, Venezuela, Nigeria, Indonesia, Kuwait, East Timor and even Saudi Arabia so far -- to pay for what are essentially the top five oil companies' private armies.  But do we ever get a tax break on the oil that these armies steal?  Hell, no.  Only oil companies get tax breaks.  Not us.  That's welfare-for-the-rich, not capitalism.  What else did you expect?  http://www.salon.com/2014/03/08/35_countries_the_u_s_has_backed_international_crime_partner/

  Let those slick dudes on Oil Street pay for their own freaking armies.

    It never ceases to amaze me how Americans keep electing anti-capitalism government officials who do not represent our own best interests or even the best interests of our country, but keep electing moochers, schemers and con-men from the welfare-for-the-rich class instead -- time and time again.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/06/maps-of-the-south-bad-place_n_4855191.html

PPPS:  Paul Ryan just proved my case!  The guy just made an impassioned speech to CPAC, stating that receiving welfare is humiliating and degrading.  "People don’t just want a life of comfort; they want a life of dignity -- of self-determination"  http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/the-meaning-ryans-cpac-anecdote  So let's help him get America's "communism for the rich only" 1% off of welfare and give them some "dignity" for the first time in their lives instead.

PPPPS:  Like I just said, the internet limitations in Port au Prince have forced me to wait to send out this story on Haiti until I got home to Berkeley.  Good to be back.  But I still miss Haiti a lot!

     But on March 20th I'll be traveling again, off to Monterey, CA, to attend the annual Left Coast Crime festival, a convention of murder-mystery writers and readers -- and a chance to pick up 40 pounds of free books (without having to lug them back home on an airplane) and, hopefully, to have access to fast internet service so that I can blog about all that.  http://www.leftcoastcrime.org/2014/

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*************************************
Advertizements for myself: In these hard times of brutal (and illegal) corporatist ball-busting socialism-for-the-rich-only, I am doing whatever I can to make a spare dollar. Here are some of my current alternate-economy schemes that never seem to work -- but I keep hoping!
******

If anyone ever wants to hire me on as a travel writer (or war correspondent), "Have laptop, will travel!"

******

 
Need someone to help you throw out stuff? I'm really good at deciding what needs to be thrown out (starting with all those corporate-owned bums in Washington!)

****
Need an actor to play an older woman in your movie? Then I'm your man! I can portray all kinds of older women -- from judges, business execs and other insane zombies to bag ladies, cancer patients, kindly grandmothers and dying patients in rest homes. I've played them all. So send me a script and let's do this. Hollywood, here we come! Here's my new 2014 reel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uad0XDU_cXg&feature=youtube_gdata
****
Are you a plaintiffs' attorney who is tired of writing those pesky personal injury settlement briefs all the time? No problem! I can write them for you. Years of experience. And pay me only if you win the case.
****

I recently got my Notary Public commission!

Need a Notary Public? Have seal, will travel. E-mail me at jpstillwater@yahoo.com and I'll stamp your document, make it official and only charge $10. Of course if you live outside of Berkeley, I may have to charge travel expenses -- but am well worth it!

****

Want something good to read? Buy my book! "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket: Helpful Tips for Touring Today's Middle East," available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. http://www.amazon.com/Bring-Your-Own-Flak-Jacket/dp/0978615719/ref=cm_pdp_rev_itm_title_1. It's like if Jack Kerouac, Mark Twain and/or Janet Evanovich went to war.

I also wrote a book about going on Hajj (also included as a chapter in "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket," but this book is cheaper -- but it's worth buying them both!) My book on the Hajj is so outstanding that I bet even Christian fundamentalists will love it! Please buy it here: http://www.amazon.com/Mecca-Hajj-Lessons-Islamic-School/dp/0978615700/ref=cm_rdp_product
****
"Imagine a world where EVERY child is wanted, nurtured, protected and loved: World peace in one generation!"You can now buy T-shirts, coffee mugs, tote bags, truckers' caps, baby gear and/or teddy bears with this logo printed on them. They make great gifts, especially for parents and teachers. To purchase, just click here:http://www.cafepress.com/StillTWaters


"Life is a competition. The winners are the ones who do the most good deeds." You can also buy T-shirts, coffee mugs, tote bags, truckers' caps, baby gear and/or teddy bears with this logo printed on them. They make great gifts, especially for those of us who are still idealists in these troubled times. To purchase, just click here: http://www.cafepress.com/StillTWaters