Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Ashley, me and the missing Republican National Convention

"Want to go to New York and volunteer at the Republican National Convention with me in August?" I asked my 17-year-old daughter.

"Can we buy rice pudding on Second Avenue?" Of course. Young Ashley is very fond of Lower East Side kosher food. We bought our tickets -- and got a great deal on Expedia. Flight and rooms for only $235 each! Now all we have to do is to convince the RNC to put us on their staff.

I have already sent in an application. But why would they choose us?

First of all, there's Ann Coulter. Her sense of fashion is WAY off. She needs us to instruct her on how to dress. Second of all, the Repubs need to be taught how to become Christians again and I am just the person to do it! Bible thumping is my favorite contact sport.

Third, be prepared! If we heed all the dire warnings that Bush is giving us about there being a terrorist attack in New York (God forbid), Ashley is a Girl Scout. And she knows CPR too.

Fourth and most important, when the Bush Gang announces that NYC is now too dangerous to hold the convention there and plans to move it to Iowa, we can console the thousands of Repubs who will have missed it. "Bush didn't MEAN to snub you," I will tell them. "It's just that he began to notice that real Republicans were starting to get nervous about the corruption at the White House and, well, he thought he'd do better to have a Republican convention without the actual delegates."

Don't worry, Republicans. Ashley and I will save the day! See you there!