Friday, April 09, 2004

Matchstick Men: The Bush-Pentagon-Shiite-Freddie Kreuger approach to governance
By Jane Stillwater

Is there a psychologist in the house? "And what early childhood trauma did you suffer that makes you constantly want to kill kill kill?"

Hey. You. The guy in the White House. In the future, pleeeze try to think of more creative ways to rule the world than just copy-catting Hannibal Lector. And also bear in mind that Hannibal Lector did end up in jail. You have already collected your 200 billion dollars, George. You are not allowed to pass Go.

Moving right along. For all of you Dr. Strangelove death squad special op suicide bomber sweat shop East Timor Rwanda Stern Gang Kosovo Nazi Taliban serial killer types, I have just one word for you. "Rehab!"

And with regards to all you redneck blogger "Christian" militia pricks drooling over your Blackwater training, your AK-47s and your fond memories of killing gooks in 'Nam? Get over it! Start a 12-step program. If you wanna be a macho dude, get up off your duffs and start PLAYING Monday night football.

How come the people who control the world all appear to be certifiable psychopaths? Guess what? The rest of us are tired of your lack of creative imagination. "If it moves kill it! Women and children first!" Surely we can do better than that.

Let's make it a LAW that in order to serve in the world's congresses, parliaments, knessets and governing councils, you must have worked for at least five years teaching kindergarten! And only dictators who have graduated from the Rhode Island School of Design will be allowed to rule. And you gotta present your senior project in textile design before you will even be allowed to stage a coup!

Boot camp: A place where you grit your teeth and endure six months of intensive training on the cello. Only artists and musicians will be allowed to carry guns. And all those detainees in all those prison camps and penitentiaries and gulags all over the world will be forced to learn flower-arranging and Haiku.

It's time for the people of the world to examine and change our priorities. It's time for us to stop concentrating on the Crucification and start concentrating on the Resurrection. Let's stop making every day a sorrowful mystery -- and turn every day into Easter.