Wednesday, April 21, 2004

America's current foreign policy: It's like kicking a hornets' nest while wearing a Speedo

Wanna impress your friends and say that you understand "modern" politics? Here's a list of analogies geared to make politics understandable in no time:

-- America's current foreign policy: It's like kicking a hornets' nest while wearing a Speedo.

-- Shock and Awe: It was like dropping 8,000 Cruise missiles on Los Angeles. Each missile had the capability take out a small town. Each missile costs as much as buying a house in Anaheim. That wasn't a war. That was a barbecue. And now Bush is doing it again.

-- Bush's latest budget proposal: It was like having some rich guy drive up next to you in his limo, get out of said limo and mug you for your wallet.

-- School budget cuts: It's like taking candy from a baby.

-- Military budget cuts: It's like a baby taking candy from a pack of pit bulls.

-- Why Palestinians hate the Bush/Sharon occupation: It's like waking up in your home town every day to a re-enactment of Wounded Knee outside your kitchen window while your children are out there playing jump rope.

-- Why Latin American countries don't like our current foreign policy: It's like having your union go on strike for better wages, walking the picket line and discovering too late that America had just hired the villian of "Mortal Kombat" to come in and French-fry you, your family AND your priest.

-- Media-control in America: It's like someone took David Letterman off the air and forced us to watch endless re-runs of "Misery" and "Saving Private Ryan" and "Mr. Bush goes to Washington".

-- The Department of Justice's over-zealous implementation of the Patriot Act: It's like when the Wicked Witch of the West says, "I'll get you, my pretty -- and your little dog too!" and you sink down in your chair and start to feel paranoid -- even if all you did was secretly wish for honest elections.

-- Terrorist alerts: It's like when the quarterback fakes it so he can make a line drive up center court without having to use the nine iron -- smoke and mirrors to distract you before you realize your wallet's gone -- again.

-- The difference between pre-Bush America and the current reality: It's like comparing "No place like home" to "I know what you did last summer."

We can do better!!!!!