Saturday, May 14, 2005

Where have all the cowboys gone: Why the U.S. military has no balls....

I just finished talking with my retired military friend Sonya. "The military is being used and abused these days," she told me. "I can't BELIEVE that they put up with all that crap from Rumsfeld and Bush." Sonya is outspoken; the kind of person you would LOVE to have in a foxhole with you. And then it hit me. THE US. MILITARY HAS NO BALLS. No cajones. No round ones. No eggs. None of those things between their legs. Zero. Zip. Nada. Castrati.

Now there's a dismal thought.

If the American military was REALLY worth its salt, all those generals wouldn't have put up with Rumsfeld's cheap-ass "operation" that shipped off all our troops to Iraq with no armor and NO PLAN.

I'm hitting the "Caps Lock" button a LOT here. It's because I'm so angry. Trust me. Try it yourself. It helps. I AM JUST SICK AND TIRED of always being told that Bush, Rumsfeld and all those IDIOTS at the Pentagon are so fabulously brave. Ha.

Okay. So all these five-star John Wayne-types send our troops off to Living Hell with no protection and no plan. And they sit there -- also lily-livered and cowardly, afraid to say, "Hey, look, we're killing women and children here. THAT'S NOT WHAT I SIGNED ON FOR." Not these guys either. All up and down the chain of command, they keep their mouths closed and willingly participate in the biggest crime scene since Bonnie and Clyde knocked off all those banks. Or was it Don Corleone? Bush and company STOLE FROM US. And our troops and our generals -- who actually saw it happening!!!! -- HAVE NOT HAD the balls to say anything about it.

THEN these spineless wonders come home and discover that, while they were gone, all their veterans benefits have been TAKEN AWAY. And what do they do about it? They praise Bush and wear diapers and parade up and down Main Street claiming to be REAL MEN.


I'm more of a man than any of them. And I'm not even a guy. "You want me to do WHAT?" I would have told my commanding officer. "You want me to shove WHAT up that poor Iraqi's bottom? You want me to blow up WHAT little old lady? WHAT three-year-old boy? I'm sorry, General. I'm out of here. Do it yourself." And this little red hen would be GONE.

We just gave Halliburton and Bush 82 billion dollars. THREE DAYS LATER they are back asking for more. That's a racket. That's a scam. That's a scheme.

Forget them. If I were in the Army, I'd be doing time as a conscientious objector. Those are the brave ones. "Lonely are the brave." Sure. But we sleep better at night.

The American military -- the Pentagon, the generals AND the foot soldiers -- had better get out their catalogues and order up a new set of balls post-haste. Or else start subscribing to Victoria's Secret. That's all I have to say.