Monday, May 18, 2020

The new 5G escalation: "Curses, foiled again!"

     What do Wuhan, New York City, Milan, the Diamond Princess, Silicon Valley, Seattle and Guayaquil all have in common?  Two things.  "These are the places most ravaged by the plague," our media screams at us daily.  But they also have one more thing in common as well.  All these places have been recently given an extreme wi-fi facelift.  They've all been recently wired up the ying-yang with 5G.  And I'm willing to bet that the USS Theodore Roosevelt has been recently wired with it too.

     Apparently 5G works by stirring up energy, which causes oxygen molecules in the air we breathe to spin around -- to the point where our hemoglobin gets all pissed off and won't attach to them.  And then our faces turn blue.  What could possibly go wrong!

     But wait.  It gets worse.  Now every time I turn on my TV, Sprint, T-Mobile and Verizon begin constantly yammering at me about how lucky I am that 5G is coming to my hometown soon as well.  Oh crap.  Now I'm gonna catch COVID-19 for sure!  Now I too am going to die!  Just like all those people in that 5G-wired rest home near Seattle!  I'm doomed.  Only one thing left for me to do -- start planning my funeral.  "Bury my ashes in the back yard.  Only serve gluten-free stuff at the memorial.  Don't invite Donald Trump...."  

      But rather than just roll over and sacrifice my life to the Future of Technology like some stupid lemming, I've developed a plan.  Self-defense.  Knowledge is power!  A friend of mine has an EMF meter.  She can check my apartment for 5G electo-magnetic hot spots.  I can fight back!  I won't have to die after all. 

      And the back wall in my bedroom made the EMF meter start to flash and beep like a Christmas tree.  But that made sense.  There are a dozen PG&E smart meters right next to that wall, and right up the street is a PG&E substation -- has been there for years.  So I'm (sort of) used to that level of gigahertz.  And even though several neighbors have come down with cancer recently, I myself am okay.  Hasn't killed me yet.  No brain tumors or nothing.  So far.

     But then the EMF meter really started rocking off the charts when placed next to the AT&T wi-fi router on the desk in my front room.  5G?  Not 5G?  Who cares.  It's obviously bad juju.  "Now I really am doomed!"

      Yeah, no.  Still not going down without a fight.  I have another plan!  So I ran across the street to Walgreens, bought three rolls of super-strong heavy-duty aluminum foil, covered up my wi-fi router with the stuff and then papered over my bedroom wall with it too.  Whew!  Now I'm safe from 5G and the coronavirus as well!  Take that, Sprint, T-Mobile and Verizon!

     "You think you're so smart, Jane?"  But apparently not.  I've been outsmarted again.

       At 3:00 am, I woke up abruptly with a horrid metal taste in my mouth.  Damn it.  So much for my plan.  All that aluminum foil hanging on my bedroom wall was off-gassing like some dead-man-walking at San Quentin!  Off-gassing!  Is that even a word?  Desperately I tore the aluminum foil off by back wall and frantically threw it all out the front door.  Now I really really am doomed.

     But then I spent last Mothers Day having a marvelous stay-cation at the historic Rose Garden Inn a few blocks away and eating chocolates from the local farmers market.  Then I slept like a baby.  Maybe there's hope for me yet.  Will chocolate save me from 5G?

PS:  Last week I was feeling weirdly eccentric.  This week I'm just feeling angry.  How dare they shove 5G down our throats -- knowing that people will die from it.  People like you and me -- and our kids.  But obviously American oligarchs care about nothing but themselves.

     They gave us Tweedledee and Tweedle-dumb as presidential candidates.

     They gave us the COVID lock-up so they could steal everything that wasn't nailed down while we cowered under our beds like puppies in a rainstorm. 

     We fought against the fascists in World War II because we were brave.

     We've already lost World War 3 against the fascists because we are wimps.    

     "But, Jane, you are not taking COVID seriously enough," a friend e-mailed me recently.  "Doctors and nurses are dying from this stuff."  Yes, they are.  And this tragedy is yet one more gruesome indictment of our pathetic fascistic values.  America spends trillions of dollars on murdering babies in Syria and Palestine each year -- and yet here at home where it actually matters, we spend nothing on stuff that is truly important.

      Medical schools in America are currently too expensive and too elite to actually pump out all the doctors and nurses that we so desperately need.  And the result?  These heroes are now being forced to work 15-hour shifts, week after week under battlefield conditions.  No wonder they are dropping like flies.  "They shoot horses don't they?"

     America has no medical reserves right now -- only a sorry bunch of creepy useless billionaires.

     But my e-mail friend wasn't done with me yet.  "Here is a link to the absolute latest information about COVID-19 -- and there is no mention of 5G in it anywhere."

     Hey, so what.  Not my fault that I'm ahead of the curve.  "Keep up."

PPS:  The current extreme COVID lock-up and economic disaster really is serious.  I recognize this.  Hell, why else would I be planning my own funeral (and also why more people are dying of suicide than of COVID in my area right now).

      But.  Does that elite group of fascist ghouls, Dark Overlords and neo-con neo-colonialist Blue Meanies who currently run America really need to be so freaking joyful about dancing on my grave?  And your grave too?

      And if we all just stand around sucking our thumbs and singing Kumbaya while these cruel neo-colonial fascist oligarchs not only convert the whole world into their own personal gulags but also steal all our stuff as well?  Then perhaps we should all be running around wearing tin-foil hats -- not just me.

     All in this together?  No.  We're not.

PPPS:  What if almost everyone in America owned their very own EMF meter, one that actually measured the dangerous effects of 5G?  And that we all went around beeping and flashing together?  Verizon and AT&T would be horrified!  Yay!

Stop Wall Street and War Street (and Big Pharma) from destroying our world.   And while you're at it, please buy my books.