Saturday, September 05, 2015

Silent but deadly: The CIA's fart machine

    Having trouble understanding international politics?  Here's the basic rule of thumb for trying to wrap your mind around what's going on in the world today:  "The one that smelt it, dealt it."

     Yep, that old teenage adage is still spot-on.

     If you smell something rotten and then the CIA starts wildly pointing its finger at Ukraine, Chile, Russia, Congo, Libya, Yemen, Afghanistan, Venezuela, Cuba, Nicaragua, Syria, Iraq, Serbia, Iran and/or Edward Snowden, then you know immediately where to look for the source of the stink.

     Take Saudi Arabia for instance.  Who cut the cheese on 9-11?  And who got the blame?  Most of the hijackers were Saudis but the CIA shouted "Afghanistan! Afghanistan!" until everyone else looked at Osama bin Ladin and then bombed the crap out of, wait for it, Osama's home town on the Arabian peninsula?  Hell no.

    And guess who farted all over Syria and then pointed the finger at Syria's president, Bashar Assad?

     And guess who passed gas name it.  Wherever there is a gas line needed throughout the world.  I'm just surprised that the CIA isn't yelling "FART" up in Alaska by now!  Or perhaps the right word should be "frack".

    But the CIA isn't the only one to use that old fart-machine trick.  It works all too well when used by other international and national politicians too.  Just listen to Tayyip Erdogan, the guy who runs Turkey with an iron hand, go on and on about dead babies washing up on his shores.  "It wasn't me!  Honest!" he cries while everyone else in the Middle East is forced to hold their noses, knowing full well that Turkey, the US, Israel and the Saudis are the ones truly cutting the ISIS cheese -- as they inflict the smell of their rotten neo-colonialist intestines on the rest of us.  Yuck!

     Want a "spare the air" day in the Middle East?  Just tell the Saudi, US, Israeli and Turkish neo-colonialist to stop farting around and give up their neo-colonialist ways.  "Who dealt it?"  Take a guess.  If you guessed Erdogan with his dreams of the New Ottoman Empire, the US with its dreams of the New Roman Empire, Saudi Arabia with its dreams of the New House of Saud Caliphate and Israel with its dreams of the New Greater Israel, then you would be right.

    Fine for them.  They get relief from the pressure of all that gas building up.  But for the rest of us?  To the rest of us, their farts only smell like rotting dead babies.

PS:  I'm off to spend my Labor Day weekend taking Madame Jane to a national trance-dancing convention in Redwood City.  Will let you know how that goes.  Madame Jane always finds out something interesting when she gets stuck in a trance -- for instance, she always discovers who really did cut the cheese.