Monday, September 15, 2014

America, for sale cheap: $2 billion oughta do it

     With election time almost upon us, here's a rather sobering thought:  By spending as little as a mere two billion dollars, anyone with that amount of money can now afford to buy an entire American election -- Congress, the White House, governorships and all.

    "But Jane," you might ask, "why would anyone even want to do that?"  Why?  Just look at all the immense amount of loot you can score with just this tiny investment.  Access to national park land, bank deregulation, profits from weapons production, corporate monopoly status, pro-pollution laws, judges' rulings in your favor...need I go on?

     For instance, eleven trillion dollars has been recently spent on escalating and pursuing fake wars.  So if you "invest" in American elections and still only receive, say, just ten percent of those eleven trillion singles for your weapons-manufacturing services or whatever the heck else companies like Halliburton do, you still have just grown your measly two-billion-buck investment at least a thousand times over.  Forever War really pays off!

    Or if you are guys like Obama, Bush and Cheney -- and can't resist playing with war toys?  Then you get to buy your very own wars!  Lots and lots of wars.  You get to play with actual life-sized GI Joe dolls and call yourself "Commander in Chief".  You get to bomb Libya and Ukraine and Iraq and Syria.  What fun!  Two billion dollars can buy you a hecka lot of war toys -- eleven trillion dollars worth to be exact.

     "Who's your daddy, ISIS?"

    Or let's say that your net worth is approximately 100 billion dollars, like, say, the Koch brothers' worth is.  You spend less than three percent of that money on buying elections -- and voila!  You too get over a thousand percent return on every dollar you spend.  What kind of crazy-good investment is that!

    Or let's say you are a member of the notorious WalMart family, worth hundreds of billions of dollars.  You spend just a few paltry billion on election buyouts -- and suddenly us taxpayers are paying for all of your employees' healthcare.  And we're throwing food stamps into the bargain too.  Brilliant idea!

     Or what if you own a giant coal company, oil company, car company, power company or some other major polluter?  Common sense tells us voters that we need to cut down on polluting the atmosphere so as to avoid drastic climate change that even now threatens to kill off the whole human race.

     We could have been using solar power all this time for instance -- and also cleaned up our rivers and even eliminated the need for fossil fuel.  But no.  For a few (billion) dollars more at election time, you can potentially doom the entire human race.  America, are we having fun yet?    

   Or let's say for instance that you are AIPAC, that Israeli political action committee.  Spend just two billion dollars to buy every election in America -- up to and including the dog catcher?  What a deal!  And since Israel is already receiving three billion dollars every year from America, guaranteed, voted by Congress, you don't even have to risk using your own moolah.  You can use ours.  Fabulous investment.

     Plus you also get permission to bomb Gaza, take over the West Bank, design America's stupid "Bomb Syria" policy, have red-carpet access to the entire Middle East (as in red carpets of blood) and get away with committing all kinds of other violations of the Nuremberg precedents and Geneva war crime conventions too.

     According to Middle East expert Paul Larudee, "Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu infamously bragged that 'America is a thing you can move very easily'."  Apparently all you need is just two billion bucks.  Hell, Attila the Hun never even had that kind of power.  Or even Josef Stalin.  All he ever got out his American investments was the freaking Cold War. 

     But don't worry, Josef!  The Cold War is about to heat up again, thanks to AIPAC.  Hell, now AIPAC is even an unofficial member of NATO (and apparently its most influential member too).  And, as such, Israeli war hawks seem hell-bent on fomenting World War III.  Does the American public really want to go there?  I think not.

     Or you could invest your capital in running America's prison-industrial complex?  Just think of all the cheap labor you'll get!  For much less than two billion in folding money, you don't even have to ship your goods over from China any more.  Plus you get to have them stamped "Made in America" too.  Definitely a win-win for you.

    Or what if you are Monsanto or Big Pharma or Bank of America or CitiCorp or Goldman Sachs or General Electric?  For far less than two billion dollars, you can get rid of unions, create your own monopolies, write your own "regulations", appoint your own "regulators" and rake in the profits.  And if you are Big Media, our publicly-owned airwaves now belong to you.  Think Rupert Murdock.  Or net neutrality up in smoke.  Think AT&T.  Boo-yah!

     Yep, America is for sale for really cheap these days.  The total assets of the United States of America is currently 188 trillion dollars.  And just think.  For just a mere two billion simoleons, all that can be yours!  Buy a little false advertizing, do a bit of voter-suppression, get your hands on a few electronic voting machines, tell a few lies on Fox News and CNN and, boom shake the room, you can own all of that.  All $188,000,000,000,000.00 worth.  "Worth playing for?"  Yeah.

    My country these days has become like some aging cheap whore, selling herself on street corners to the first two-bit John who comes along and offers her a couple of dollars. 

     America these days isn't even a high-priced call girl any more.