Benedict XVI: "I just can't wait to be pope!"

Good grief! Is a new pope supposed to SMIRK? As Pope Benedict XVI donned the robes of God's Representative on Earth the other day, you could practically see him dancing in the chorus line of the Lion King. "I just can't wait to be Pope!"

Just how LONG has this man been scheming for this moment? A lifetime? It showed. And just how many palace intrigues has he had to instigate or endure to get to this point?

A pope isn't supposed to SMIRK.

Ideally, the pope that I would like to see play the role of "Mufasa" would be a man of mercy and compassion and humility and love. A pope should be like a father to us all -- not some Machiavellian Lady Macbeth plotting to snag the Vatican so he can cleanse the world of imperfect beings such as ourselves and the rest of humanity. We have been stuck with "God's Rottweiller" because he played the game but, to me, being pope should call for more than just the ability to play "Scar" better than anyone else at the cattle call. God is more than just the plaything of an ambitious man.

So. What is the new pope smirking about? That he's now gonna be able to send us all to Hell?

The human race as we know it is dangling by one hand off the edge of the highest cliff in history since Adam bit into the apple and we already got one smirking chimp leading the Free World. We don't need another one!

If Benedict 16 is truly going to be a great pope, he needs to wipe that holier-than-thou grin off his face and forget about his obsessions with power struggles, being the next top corporate shill, defending sex offenders, peeking into our bedrooms, maintaining total control over our every thought and declaring war on freedom and "Relativism". Instead, he needs roll up his sleeves, gird his loins, bite the bullet and let mercy, compassion, wisdom, grace and faith in a benevolent God -- as well as faith that we adult human beings CAN make moral choices all by ourselves without having our mouths constantly washed out with soap -- become his new obsessions.

And here's one more suggestion. A great way to start this whole process off is to ASAP appoint at least six women cardinals. Us ladies have a LOCK on wisdom, mercy and compassion. Just St. Mary. And Jesus.

With divinely-inspired leadership from a real Christian, this world could be such a wonderful place. Let's hope this new pope gets his freak on -- and SOON -- because unless Benedict XVI starts acting more Christ-inspired and less like a feudal overlord in the very near future, I'm converting to Islam!

PS: Did I ever tell you about the time I was a young hippie girl, traveling through Europe in 1969 with my backpack and bell bottoms? That I took a train from Paris to Florence with a (really cute) Herald-Tribune boy named Trig and took LSD in front of the Duomo? Wow! Then we went inside and it became instantly clear to me -- that this church had been built not as a glorification of God but as a glorification of Man.

Wanna glorify God? Be kind to people. And go outside and look at the stars. All else is ego and entertainment. (I have an ego! I like to be entertained! But, since Florence, I have never ever confused entertainment with the worship of the essence of the universe that we presume to label "God".)