Monday, April 11, 2005

American Idol: It ain't George Bush!

Did you know that in the last round of voting on American Idol, THIRTY-SIX MILLION people called in? That's approximately one-third of all people who voted in the 2004 presidential election.

Obviously we need to dump Diebold voting machines on Election Day and teach voters how to text-message on T-Mobile instead.

Can you imagine if Bush and Kerry and Nader and Kucinich and Dean had campaigned for President on American Idol?

"Not sincere enough," Paula would have said about Bush. "We just can't believe what you are singing about." That would have nailed it and no one would have voted for George -- even with Jeff Gannon in the audience cheering him on.

"He's too stiff," Simon would have said. "He looks like he's on Prozac half the time. And, George, you gotta drop that fake cowboy twang. Everyone knows you're from Connecticut. And please stop violating the RICO Act." Did I hear right? Did Simon just say "please"?

"Not enough personality," Randy would have said. "And you can't hit the high notes, George, so just stop trying." And you can't overcome those lies about weapons of mass destruction either. The fans just aren't buying it. And your song selection is bad. "Every single one of your songs is either about the War on Terror or Giving Tax Breaks to the Rich or 9-11. We want to hear something more upbeat from you."

How about "Come back to Texas"?

"America has voted," declared Ryan Seacrest. "George, you are going home."