Friday, February 04, 2005

Gaul was divided in three parts: Iraq should be too

I've been thinking about this for a long time. And now that Howard Zinn is stealing my idea, I'd better speak up fast! Here goes: "If the Sunnis and the Shi'is and the Kurds all hate each other, why not just send them to separate parts of the schoolyard and let them play by themselves."

"But what if America leaves and they all kill each other!" you might think. You would be wrong. NOTHING Iraqis could do to each other can possibly be worse than what George Bush is doing to them now.

In the past two years, Bush's Operation Iraqi Freedom has all but destroyed the infrastructure of Iraq -- their electricity, sewage, schools, roads and public safety systems are all (literally) shot to hell. Plus Bush indescriminately uses depleted uranium, collective punishment of civilians, torture, destruction of whole cities and even napalm.

ANYONE could do better at governing Iraq. Even Iraqis. Duh.

As Howard Zinn stated, "We must not underestimate the capacity of the Iraqis, once free of both Saddam Hussein and the U.S. occupying army, to forge their own future." And as even George W. himself said the other day, "Ordinary Iraqis are anxious to shoulder all the security burdens of our country as quickly as possible." How can we argue with that?

Before it got bombed to smithereens, Iraq was not a stone-age country. Even now, many of the citizens there -- among the ones that Bush hasn't managed to maim or kill -- actually have college degrees. They are perfectly capable of making decisions for themselves.

But let's pretend for a moment that I, me, Jane -- not that spoiled brat in the White House -- am Caesar. Here is my decree: "Let the Sunnis have what is left of Fallugah and the Sunni Triangle."

"Let the Shi'is have Baghdad." Bush doesn't want it anyway. It is covered with DU. It glows in the dark!

"Let the Kurds get the north."

And let everyone (except poor sorry George Bush who will probably sulk about this for decades) split the oil profits.

If the Iraqis divide themselves up this way -- and perhaps form a federation like the U.S. federation of states -- everyone will be happy. Everyone will get a piece of the pie.

"But what will America get out of this?" you might ask. American parents won't have to send thousands more sons and daughters into a hopeless quagmire, we taxpayers will save hundreds of billions of dollars -- and America will get to take its marbles home INSTEAD OF LOSING THEM!

End of problem.

Caesar did it. We can too.