Blackmailing George Bush: "Karl, he's got me by the..."

In the Oval Office, President [sic] Bush nervously paced back and forth. "There are far too many people out there who have the goods on me, Karl." So what's the Leader of the Free World to do?

I know of at least 20 people who have George Bush by the balls. Can you think of anyone else, boys and girls? The man who has his finger on the trigger of 35,000 nuclear weapons can be easily blackmailed. That's scary.

For instance, what if the CEO of Diebold suddenly decided that he wanted to become Secretary of State? Bye bye, Condoleeza!

Who else has the goods on our George? Probably Osama. "I'm tired of living in a cave," bin Ladin e-mailed the White House. "Either whitewash me and have Fox tell America that I was an innocent victim of bad publicity or I'll out you on Oprah!" And he would, too. Osama knows who failed to alert America about 9-11. And the PNAC knows why.

The list of possible Bush blackmailers goes on and on and on. Kenny-boy Lay, Wall Street bagmen, Dick Cheney, Saddam Hussein, Big Pharma, Rupert Murdoch, "Jeff Gannon" in his tighty whities, Kathryn Harris, Kenneth Blackwell, Alan Greenspan, ANY member of the Bush family, Anton Scalia, Karl Rove himself.....

"But they wouldn't turn on Bush like that," said my friend Paul. "He's their bread and butter!" They wouldn't? They've already sold out America. Why would they hesitate to sell out Bush?