Monday, December 06, 2004

Goldfinger: What to do after Bush debases the dollar

"With the monetary dollar value sinking, how can I protect my nest egg?" That's easy. Hoard gold!

"But gold is $425 an ounce!" Ouch.

Okay. Here's the situation: George Bush is debasing the dollar as fast as the living daylights -- but it is illegal to buy, own or smuggle in gold (unless you are James Bond.)

Can you go down to the local "Gold Bars R Us" and fill your shopping cart with Krugerrands and gold doubloons? Not unless you can afford $425 an ounce at the check-out stand.

Can you pan gold yourself up at Sutter's Mill? Not unless you wanna stand waist-deep in snow-fed rivers for years and years. Got arthritis? Ouch!

Can you smuggle gold bars in from Switzerland? Hell no. You'll go to jail. It's ILLEGAL to import gold.

Can you organize Ocean's 12 and knock off Fort Knox? Richard Nixon already did that. Fort Knox no longer has any gold.

Can you jump on the Bush band wagon, become a corporate welfare queen and share in the maze of gold stored in bunkers under the Crawford Ranch? Like Bush would even think of allowing you and me near the place. Ha.

So. Okay. Here we are. You don't have to be Moonraker or Octopussy to know that the dollar is about to crash. Inflation, devaluation and George's poor math skills have made this almost a done deal. And the Goldfingers in the White House have made absolutely sure that you can't get your hands on any gold. But you want to protect your nest egg. What do you do?

You have about six months to think of something, Mr. Bond.

And if you do, please let the rest of America know!

You gotta read this: Conyers to Hold Hearings on Ohio Vote Fraud

From me: I will be 20 miles from the nearest TV until the end of the year. Will somebody PLEASE tape The Apprentice, The Top Model, The Survivor and The Biggest Loser for me? Eva? Sandy? Scout? Mo? Hey. I gotta know. I'm only human.