What would Scrooge McDuck do: How to survive the upcoming Bush Depression

"Dear Uncle Scrooge: I am a low-income working woman about to retire on Social Security benefits. What should I do?"

Under Bush's proposed new Social Security plan, you can forget about retiring, dear. Just plan to work 'til you're 80 and die really really poor.

"Dear Uncle Scrooge: I'm a middle-aged man with lots of bucks. What should I do after George Bush bankrupts the country?"

Too late for that. With a 51-trillion-dollar debt and a horrific balance of payments to Halliburton and China, we are already bankrupt. Just do what I do -- exchange your dollars for gold and swim in it!

"Dear Uncle Scrooge: I am a talking duck with three nephews. I wear a blue cap and don't have a job."

You are in good company here. In the next four years, everybody else in America will be out of work too. I predict the return of the hobo jungle and the breadline. Luckily, you have a rich uncle. The rest of America is screwed.

"Dear Uncle Scrooge: I am a rich white guy who owns a company that makes bombs. How should I store my wealth?"

Invest offshore! Open Swiss bank accounts. Bury your money in Euros. Buy Asian stock. Save the first dime you ever made. Buy yourself a bank vault. You have used your resources wisely. You should do fine.

"Dear Uncle Scrooge: I live at the White House. I'm worried about how Americans will react when they find out that I stole the Treasury and committed election fraud."

Not to worry. Just bring the Beagle Boys back from Abu Ghraib and turn them loose on America's REAL enemies -- truck drivers, mail carriers, teachers, housewives, grocery clerks and the AFL-CIO!

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America goes postal: Send a post card to George Bush saying that you voted for John Kerry. Bush, even though he is currently violating his lease, the US Constitution (you gotta be ELECTED to live in the White House), he is still living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC 20500.

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From Jim: BUSHcott encourages all Kerry supporters, Nader supporters, traditional conservatives, and those concerned about Bush's presumptive and aggressive stance since the election to NOT shop the day after Thanksgiving. Your children and grandchildren will thank you for it. As it stands now, this budget deficit will be our legacy to them.

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From Code Pink -- sign the Voter Bill of Rights Petition! To sign, visit: www.codepinkalert.org/National_Actions_Voter_Bill_of_Rights.shtml

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From Myron: Final presidential election tally: Bush 3, Kerry 190. 190 electors? No. 190 nations.

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To all the Minuteman bloggers who caused the election recount: You are all invited to my very own online bloggers' inaugural ball on January 20, 2005. Sorry. Kerry will have to have his own balls! And I imagine that Bush will respectfully decline this invitation. He will be in jail by then, fervently hoping that the death penalty law will be repealed -- and that Gonzales, not the soap crew, will be reviewing his briefs for him.