Friday, November 12, 2004

Don't have a cow, man. Bush won, America lost, get over it!

Sometimes I think politics is like watching the Simpson show. "I actually found a new Attorney General who is a worse civil rights abuser than John Ashcroft!" Who said that? Krusty the Clown?

And what about the 2004 election? An estimated NINE MILLION Americans cast questionably weird votes. Would Montgomery Burns be that evil? Would Homer Simpson be that dumb?

"If you want to find out if there are nine million fake votes," said my friend Joe, "just tally up the voter sign-in sheets. If you are nine million signatures short, then you know that the little black boxes padded the vote." Even Otto coulda figured that one out. Even Ralph.

Does Bush really think we are that stupid? I can just see George now. "They will NEVER notice that stuff. In one Ohio precinct with only 638 eligible voters, I got 4,258 votes. Smithers, we've done it again!" Doh!

Like Mr. Burns, Bush is aware that Americans will believe anything as long as Troy McClure sez it on TV. "Did you see the way they swallowed that PR crap about me being a Texas good ol' boy." Can you say "Preppie," Smithers? "Silver spoon?"

Bring it on? Our George is afraid of horses! He's no more a cowboy than Principal Skinner or Sideshow Bob.

Then there is that other Holy Cow that Bush has even ME believing -- that there are millions and millions of cult Christians out there in the Homeland, pure as driven snow and lined up in rows, Bible in hand, ready to do his bidding. That's not true! I can prove it. The Bible Belt has the most divorces and murders in America. And, since Bush took over the White House, even their abortion rates have gone up. These people are not Ned Flanders. These people are just like the rest of us. These people hang out at Moe's.

"Do you think that Mr. Burns is REALLY evil?" I asked my teenage daughter.

"Hell, yeah!"

"Evil enough to use nerve gas and napalm and blow up a hospital in Fallugah during the Muslim holy days?" Well, not that evil. That's more like "Seed of Chucky". Now you are getting into George Bush stuff.

Even Bart Simpson would make a better president than Bush. Or maybe not. When Bart says, "I didn't do it!" nobody believes him. But when George says, "I didn't do it," people STAND IN LINE to provide him with alibis. You know what I have to say about that, Mr. Bush?

"Eat my shorts!"

Why isn't the rest of the world doing anything to stop the slaughter in Fallugah? Bush is slaughtering doctors, nurses and OUR TROOPS. Where is the UN? This is their sorriest hour.