Friday, August 27, 2004

Fear and loathing in New York: My report from the RNC

Here is my first report from the Republican National Convention -- and I haven't even been there yet!

We all know how successful political strategist Karl Rove has been these last ten years -- mostly due to his "Fear and Smear" campaign techniques. The politics of fear have been very good to our Karl. They have gotten his political candidates where they are today!

Now Rove has focused the full spotlight of his considerable genius on creating fear (and loathing) in hearts of Republican National Convention delegates. To this end, he has created an Enemy to truly be afraid of!

And who, you may ask, do those already-quaking-in-their-boots Repubs have to fear now? Me!

I, Jane Stillwater, am now the new Republican boogie-man bugaboo. It used to be bin Ladin could scare the socks off America but nowadays he's passe and Rove needs something a bit more upscale. This is how I got the job as America's new Freddie Krueger.

But, you may be saying, "You're joking, Jane. You don't LOOK all that scary." You got that right. I'm a mother of four and a legal assistant too! It doesn't get more drab than that. Me? The RNC's worst nightmare? Ha!

Why are Repubs terrified of ME? Rove has told them. "Be afraid. Be VERY afraid." He's told them again and again: That me -- and thousands of other patriotic Americans like me who object to economic failure and corruption and endless war -- are coming to New York and we will be UP TO NO GOOD.

According to Greg Palast, the website says that I and my ilk are planning to be the worst villains ever to endanger New York since The Joker invaded Gotham. With all kinds of scary things up our sleeves. Such as:

"NEXT WEEK, people who hate Republicans plan to release swarms of mice in New York City to terrorize delegates to the National Republican Convention.

"Republican-haters plan on dressing up as RNC volunteers, and giving false directions to little blue hair ladies from Kansas, sending them into the sectors of New York City that are unfit for human habitation.

"They plan on throwing pies and Lord knows what else at Republican visitors to the city. Prostitutes with AIDS plan to seduce Republican visitors, and discourage the use of condoms ...."

RNC delegates to New York will be like babes in the woods. An endangered species. Sweet innocent "Christians" loose in Sodom and Gomorrah. Thrown to the wolves. According to Rove, NYC is going to be like The Night of the Living Dead. And guess who their savior is going to be? Karl Rove.

Also on the official RNC website -- not to be missed! -- is an animated cartoon of George Bush dressed in a Superman costume!