Friday, January 09, 2015

Charlie Dodo: A deal is struck in France...

     Author's note:  This is a satire.  Sort of.

     Don't you just hate it when people get killed?  Murdered?  Decapitated?  Have their bodies blown up?  Why would anybody in their right mind even consider killing another fellow human being?  Have you yourself killed anybody lately?  Not me.  I've never killed nothing.  Cockroaches, maybe -- back when I was living rough on the Lower East Side in 1965.  But cockroaches don't count.  Or do they?  Can you get PTSD from killing bugs?  Probably not.

     Yet last week 12 people were shot dead in the streets of Paris by unknown gunmen dressed in black and carrying AK-47s -- and apparently even a rocket launcher.  And yet nobody twigged to these odd Halloween costumes before it was too late?  How did this happen?  Apparently a deal had been struck.

     Over the past decade or so, the American military-industrial complex in all its glory has moved into the Middle East and killed a million or so people.  And it has handled, trained and armed Al Qaeda and ISIS, a pretty much documented fact.  However.  What goes on in the Middle East stays in the Middle East, right?  Theoretically, yes.

      But Pappy Bush said, "Let's go invade Kuwait and kill us some Iraqis."  So he did.  And then Baby Bush said, "I can do you one even better than that!"  And he killed even more Iraqis -- and, being in a generous mood, threw in some dead Afghans, Palestinians and Persians as well.

     Then Obama came along and started bragging, "I went to Harvard.  I can top that!"  And by God he did.  Libya, Syria, Palestine (again) and Ukraine (technically not the Middle East but it did include slaughtering a whole bunch of people -- so that should count for something, right?) 

     And then apparently some Al Qaeda wannabes sent word to their handlers or whatever at the CIA, saying, "We've been your grunts since forever and, don't get us wrong, we really do appreciate all the training and weapons you've given us and the chance to behead women and children left and right.  Don't get us wrong, Consigliere.  We are not ungrateful.  But could you kinda maybe send a bit of a tidbit or bone or reward our way too?  We too want more of the action.  War in the Middle East just isn't enough.  We're bored of shelling Mosul and Damascus.  Can we PLEEZE go shoot up Paris as well?  Just a little bit?  Please?"

    Well, the CIA understood.  Who can even think of resisting an all-expense-paid trip to Paris?  Certainly not our homeys in ISIS.  Paris being the City of Light and all that.  "Sure, go on ahead with your bad selves," the ISIS handlers replied.  And a deal was struck.

     "What do you got in mind?" asked the handlers.  "A little R&R on the Champs-Élysées?"

     "Nah.  We just want to shoot up Charlie Dodo.  Those guys said really really obscene things about the Prophet.  Not, of course, the same really really obscene things we say about the Prophet -- but definitely in the ballpark. Charlie Dodo has made a mockery of the Prophet.  Not as much of a mockery as we have -- but a mockery just the same." 

     "Done!" cried the handlers -- and then the paperwork began.  And why not?  This could definitely be in War Street's best interests and get everyone in France hating Muslims (even more than they do already).  Just look how well 9-11 turned out for Islamophobics!  "Plus it's always fun to stage a false-flag operation -- and you know how we love to kill journalists."  It's a twofer.  This could work!

    So their CIA handlers quickly dug up the requisite fake passports and the requisite phony ID cards to leave miraculously lying around at the scene  And they even tried to get their new Qaeda-trash protégé thugs some free passes to Euro-Disney as well, but didn't quite have the clout to pull that one off.  But the stage was set.  Journalists and police and French citizens were gonna be slaughtered and the whole world was gonna be shocked and go around saying "I am Charlie".  And it would be "Mission Accomplished" all over again, right?  And, even more important, now France also has a carte blanche excuse to bomb Palestine or Russia or Vietnam or Walmart or whatever they please -- just like Baby Bush had his excuse to bomb Afghanistan.

     But I still really hate it when people get killed.

PS:  I wrote this because I'm really and totally dubious about what actually happened at Charlie Hebdo the other day.

    I've been to Iraq, North Korea, Afghanistan, Syria, Iran, Africa, Palestine, Dallas, etc. and I've seen with my own eyes what is actually going on in these places.  But then I go back home to the States and read the MSM newspapers and watch the TV news -- and it's a whole different world they are describing, one filled with fantasies, wistful thinking, propaganda and lies.  

     I never believe anything I read in the MSM any more.  So why should I suddenly start believing what they say about the bad guys who shot up the Charlie Hebdo offices in France?