Friday, November 09, 2012




















Post-election blues: Nothing to write about now except wars & weddings

     
     In this past election, Karl Rove lost bigtime in his bid to buy America's elections -- which is good.  But on the other hand, Shelley Berkley and several other excellent forward-thinking candidates also lost too -- and that's bad.  And judging by the thousands of racist tweets sent directly after this election, our country is also still seriously divided.  Yet despite all this, America is now supposed to move Forward.

      Unfortunately, however, no truly civilized civilization can truly ever move forward if its economy still remains based mostly on greed and war -- and so post-election-day America is still in Big Trouble.  And so nothing has really changed in our country.  Move on, folks.  Nothing to write about here.

     So I've decided to write about my frustrated attempts to throw my daughter Ashley and her fiance Hugo a surprise wedding on 12-12-12 instead.

     Do you have any idea how hard it is to pull a wedding together?  Almost harder than invading Afghanistan.

      So far, I've only been able to line up the priest and the flower girl.  That's about it.  Oh, and there are approximately 400 people that I have to invite too.  And 12-12-12 is only a few weeks away.  And I'm also pretty much broke.  Do you think that the guests would mind too much if we just had the wedding in the cold dark rain up in Tilden Park on 12-12-12, followed by a BYOB reception in the Little Farm parking lot?  Yeah, they probably would.

     But here's what I'd been thinking before all this new venue-and-catering nonsense began:  We would kidnap Hugo and Ashley, throw them into a church, strip them down to their skivvies, dress them all up in regal wedding finery and then shove them in front of the altar.  They've been together for almost four years now.  It's about time that they tied the knot.  Plus 12-12-12 won't be coming around again for another 100 years.

     And this 12-12-12 will be on a Wednesday.

     And all y'all would be invited too -- if only we could come up with a church.  And a reception venue.  And invitations.  And centerpieces for the tables.  And flowers.  And a band.  And food and a cake.  And barrels of money to pay for all this. 

    Weddings are freaking expensive -- they are almost as expensive as wars.  But weddings move us Forward.  Wars do not.  http://www.globalresearch.ca/fall-1941-pearl-harbor-and-the-wars-of-corporate-america/28159

     Please, President Obama?  Can we please hold this wedding on your White House front lawn?


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Advertizements for myself: In these hard times of brutal (and illegal) corporatist ball-busting socialism-for-the-rich-only, I am doing whatever I can to make a spare dollar. Here are some of my current alternate-economy schemes that never seem to work -- but I keep hoping!

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What next?  I'm still trying to get to Haiti ASAP but unfortunately my investigative-reporting trip has had to be postponed until June.  Please donate toward my trip's expenses here: 
https://www.wepay.com/donations/going-to-a-vodou-cave-in-haiti


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Need someone to help you throw out stuff? I'm really good at deciding what needs to be thrown out (starting with all those corporate-owned bums in Washington!)

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Need an actor to play an older woman in your movie?
Then I'm your man! I can portray all kinds of older women -- from judges, business execs and other insane zombies to bag ladies, cancer patients, kindly grandmothers and dying patients in rest homes. I've played them all. So send me a script and let's do this. Hollywood, here we come!

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 Are you a plaintiffs' attorney who is tired of writing those pesky personal injury settlement briefs all the time? No problem! I can write them for you. Years of experience. And pay me only if you win the case.

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I recently got my Notary Public commission!

Need a Notary Public? Have seal, will travel. E-mail me at jpstillwater@yahoo.com and I'll stamp your document, make it official and only charge $10. Of course if you live outside of Berkeley, I may have to charge travel expenses -- but am well worth it!

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Want something good to read? Buy my book! "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket: Helpful Tips for Touring Today's Middle East," available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. http://www.amazon.com/Bring-Your-Own-Flak-Jacket/dp/0978615719/ref=cm_pdp_rev_itm_title_1. It's like if Jack Kerouac, Mark Twain and/or Janet Evanovich went to war.

I also wrote a book about going on Hajj (also included as a chapter in "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket," but this book is cheaper -- but it's worth buying them both!) My book on the Hajj is so outstanding that I bet even Christian fundamentalists will love it! Please buy it here: http://www.amazon.com/Mecca-Hajj-Lessons-Islamic-School/dp/0978615700/ref=cm_rdp_product


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"Imagine a world where EVERY child is wanted, nurtured, protected and loved: World peace in one generation!"
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"Life is a competition. The winners are the ones who do the most good deeds."
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