Thursday, July 15, 2004

I want to go to Mecca before it's too late!

I never made it to Bethlehem and now it's too late.

There are 259,166,043 Muslims in the Middle East. Due to errors in the interpretation of the Qur'an, almost half of them are under house arrest. And the male half? George Bush has them in his cross-hairs and is looking for yet another fake excuse to blow them up even as we speak.

What with America standing four-square behind Bush's commitment to genocide, there's a good chance that Middle Eastern Muslims are soon gonna be extinct. I want to go to Mecca before it's too late.

Is there a Holiday Inn in Mecca? Where would I stay?

Last night we rented "The Road Warrior". Mel Gibson had a messianic complex even back then -- and Mel Gibson at age 20 was HOT. But I digress.

In one viscerally memorable scene, this horde of evil bad guys driving sociopathically-customized clown cars are madly circling around the oil refinery. "Round and round. Attack attack. Like angry ants -- mad with the smell of gasoline." That's the best description I've ever heard of George Bush's foreign policy in the Middle East.

The humongous George is now circling the Middle East, mad with the smell of gasoline, mad with the smell of gasoline. He's even worse than those homicidal maniacs in the Sudan -- same idea, better gear. "Those pesky Arabs won't give me their oil," sez he. What to do? Genocide? "Just watch this drive!"

After our George has killed off all the Muslims and seized their oil, where will he go next? There's oil in Texas....

I want to go to Houston before it's too late!

How to avoid a trip to Houston? That's easy. Change our priorities. The "Road Warrior" scenario that Bush is planning for us is scary but it is not the way things have to be.

For less than half the price we are now paying Mad George to turn our troops into evil hordes with tacky costumes and Bad Hair, we could easily make the world a nicer, friendlier and safer place. George has proved to us that America is rich beyond belief -- by giving away over a hundred billion dollars of OUR money to his sleazy friends. Forget that. Let's start spending our trillions of dollars wisely -- on health care, education and INTERESTING JOBS! And let's also spend some money giving those evil-horde wannabes in DC a free all-expense-paid vacation in the nearest federal jail so they could use the prison library to do research into solar power (and morality).

PS: Here's a trailer from "The Road Warrior".