At the LLC murder-mystery convention: Nobody's mentioned Flight 370 so far...

     While driving to a murder-mystery writers' and readers' convention in Monterey, CA the other day, I stopped by Silicon Valley to have lunch with my old college sweetheart.  Good grief!  How come I have aged so much and he hasn't?  That's totally not fair.  http://www.leftcoastcrime.org/2014/

     A friend of mine in Germany had emailed me that I absolutely, positively had to visit the Paris Bakery while I was in Monterey http://parisbakery.us/.  Which I did.  And got hooked.  So much for my gluten-free diet.  It's clear that I'm gonna pay a steep price for this discrepancy when I get home.  But not now!  Too many eclairs, croissants and napoleons to sample.  Greed triumphs over common sense.  Again.

    Once actually at the convention, I immediately scored my 40 pounds of free books.  First things first.  Greed again.  Who would have thought that I was such a hoarder.  But apparently I am.  Who can possibly read three murder mysteries per day for a year?  That's just plain greedy.  It's like how the U.S. military collects all those countries, weapons and bombs.  Hoarding.  Just plain greed.  Except that you can't blow up cities and kill babies with books.

    But how can I possibly begin to describe this convention?  All kinds of fabulous authors spoke.  And in between sessions, I ran off to the movies and saw "Omar" (you just gotta see it!), the Grand Budapest Hotel (laughed my socks off) and "Tim's Vermeer (very interesting of course but I dozed off for a few minutes half way through -- it was PBS on steroids).

     My favorite authors speaking here were Lisa Brackmann, Johnny Shaw, Louise Penny, Cara Black, Brad Parks, Laurie R. King, Terry Shames, Rhys Bowen, Lee Goldberg, Sue Grafton, Sophie Littlefield, Simon Wood, Doc Macomber, Robert Kroese, Kelli Stanley.... Oh hell, they were all my favorites.  http://www.lisabrackmann.com/books/rock-paper-tiger/

     Except that Janet Evanovich wasn't there. 

     And all of these fabulous authors gave talks and/or spoke on panels.  But not even one of them mentioned the strange mystery of the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines 370 -- or why it went down in the southern Indian Ocean instead of landing safely in Beijing -- closer to Diego Garcia than to Peking duck.  That's a hecka long way to be off course.

     Anyway, my main take-away from the first day of the conference did solve one big mystery for me -- why in the world do I like crime-fiction novels so much?  At a panel discussing murder mysteries and social justice, one author stated that, "I never write about anything that involves social justice.  My books are just straight crime novels."  Which caused a light bulb to turn on in my brain.

    "Every single murder mystery ever written is always solely about social justice -- or even just plain justice itself," I replied during the Q&A.  "They all have to do with bringing killers to justice.  And in every single one of these books, justice is always obtained."  No wonder I like murder mysteries.  I am such a big fan of Justice -- with a capital J.  If only we could track down all those evil killers on the national and international political scene as successfully as Sherlock Holmes or Aimee LeDuc or Kinsey Millhone or Ellie McEnroe tracked down their bad guys.

    But it's all a matter of transparency.  In crime-fiction novels, transparency is always achieved eventually.  But in the covert world of the CIA, the Pentagon, NSA, Washington and Wall Street, transparency sucks eggs.

    And the greatest murder-mysteries of our day -- deadly climate change, sleazy bankster fraud, Monsanto's silent-but-deadly GMOs, unconscionable War Street attacks on the Middle East and the creepy neo-Nazi corporatists' takeover of our government -- may never be solved.  Until it's too late, that is.  "Oh, now we know who-done-it!" we will all cry out -- cry out from our graves.

PS:  Meanwhile, back at the Paris Bakery, there are even more important mysteries to be solved.  Should I have almond croissants or eclairs for breakfast?  Or that round thingie over there with all that whipped cream?

*************************************
*************************************
Advertizements for myself: In these hard times of brutal (and illegal) corporatist ball-busting socialism-for-the-rich-only, I am doing whatever I can to make a spare dollar. Here are some of my current alternate-economy schemes that never seem to work -- but I keep hoping!
******

If anyone ever wants to hire me on as a travel writer (or war correspondent), "Have laptop, will travel!"  And I would really like to go back to Iraq to see how things are now.  Or to Timbuktu.  Never been there.  Or Ukraine or Syria -- or Oklahoma, Hawaii or Milwaukee.  Never been there either.  But can't afford to go on my own.

******

 
Need someone to help you throw out stuff? I'm really good at deciding what needs to be thrown out (starting with all those corporate-owned bums in Washington!)

****
Need an actor to play an older woman in your movie? Then I'm your man! I can portray all kinds of older women -- from judges, business execs and other insane zombies to bag ladies, cancer patients, kindly grandmothers and dying patients in rest homes. I've played them all. So send me a script and let's do this. Hollywood, here we come! Here's my new 2014 reel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uad0XDU_cXg&feature=youtube_gdata
****
Are you a plaintiffs' attorney who is tired of writing those pesky personal injury settlement briefs all the time? No problem! I can write them for you. Years of experience. And pay me only if you win the case.
****

I recently got my Notary Public commission!

Need a Notary Public? Have seal, will travel. E-mail me at jpstillwater@yahoo.com and I'll stamp your document, make it official and only charge $10. Of course if you live outside of Berkeley, I may have to charge travel expenses -- but am well worth it!

****

Want something good to read? Buy my book! "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket: Helpful Tips for Touring Today's Middle East," available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. http://www.amazon.com/Bring-Your-Own-Flak-Jacket/dp/0978615719/ref=cm_pdp_rev_itm_title_1. It's like if Jack Kerouac, Mark Twain and/or Janet Evanovich went to war.

I also wrote a book about going on Hajj (also included as a chapter in "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket," but this book is cheaper -- but it's worth buying them both!) My book on the Hajj is so outstanding that I bet even Christian fundamentalists will love it! Please buy it here: http://www.amazon.com/Mecca-Hajj-Lessons-Islamic-School/dp/0978615700/ref=cm_rdp_product
****
"Imagine a world where EVERY child is wanted, nurtured, protected and loved: World peace in one generation!"You can now buy T-shirts, coffee mugs, tote bags, truckers' caps, baby gear and/or teddy bears with this logo printed on them. They make great gifts, especially for parents and teachers. To purchase, just click here:http://www.cafepress.com/StillTWaters


"Life is a competition. The winners are the ones who do the most good deeds." You can also buy T-shirts, coffee mugs, tote bags, truckers' caps, baby gear and/or teddy bears with this logo printed on them. They make great gifts, especially for those of us who are still idealists in these troubled times. To purchase, just click here: http://www.cafepress.com/StillTWaters