Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Cheney in Hell: Making friends with dead folks

    I'm sick and tired of being around alive people.  They are just a whole bunch of work.  From now on, I'm only going to have Dead People for friends.  Do you know how many dead homo sapiens there are in existence right now?  117 billion dead people  That certainly offers up a big new bunch of "friending" possibilities to chose from!  How does one go about contacting the dead?  I'd love to know.

     A friend of mine just sent me a list of the top five countries that are super-hard to get extradited from.  I just hope that Edward Snowden can get to one of these countries alive -- so that I won't have to list him as one of my new dead BFFs too.

     One of the countries that was listed is Dubai.  That certainly explains why Dick Cheney moved Halliburton there  But maybe Cheney should have moved his business to Hell instead.  There's positively no extradition from Hell!  Plus then Halliburton would be there waiting for him when he finally gets there himself.

     "Cheney, what were you THINKING when you bombed Iraq!"

    I really really want to learn how to communicate with the dead.  Who wouldn't just love to interview J. Edgar Hoover for instance -- on his opinion of the NSA.  The man surely would be in ecstasy over the kinds of things that the NSA can now do.  But how the freak does one talk to someone in Hell?  Would that be the ultimate fireside chat or what! 

     "But, Jane," you might say, "anyone can talk to the dead.  All you have to do is just open your mouth and let words come out."  And therein lies the hard part.  How can you manage to get the dead to talk back?

PS:  After attending the recent Netroots Nation convention in San Jose, I went on a tour of local Dead Folks on my drive back to Berkeley -- starting with the world-famous Rosicrucian Museum.  Boy do they have a lot of mummies and such.  Dead guys galore.  I was clearly among friends.

     Next came the Winchester Mystery House, which is supposed to be haunted.  But no ghosts talked to me there either.  Snubbed.  Guess Sarah Winchester is a Mean Girl at heart.

     After that I stopped by Skylawn cemetery, to have a nice cozy chat with my pop and my mom.  I always sit by their graves and tell them all the latest hot gossip about my life when I go there.  But, unfortunately, not even Mom and Pop were able to talk back.


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