Cheney in Hell: Making friends with dead folks
I'm sick and tired of being around alive people. They are just a whole bunch of work. From now on, I'm only going to have Dead People for friends. Do you know how many dead homo sapiens there are in existence right now? 117 billion dead people http://www.livescience.com/18336-human-population-dead-living-infographic.html That certainly offers up a big new bunch of "friending" possibilities to chose from! How does one go about contacting the dead? I'd love to know.
A friend of mine just sent me a list of the top five countries that are super-hard to get extradited from. I just hope that Edward Snowden can get to one of these countries alive -- so that I won't have to list him as one of my new dead BFFs too.
One of the countries that was listed is Dubai. That certainly explains why Dick Cheney moved Halliburton there http://tv.msnbc.com/2013/06/21/the-border-surge-christmas-comes-early-for-halliburton/. But maybe Cheney should have moved his business to Hell instead. There's positively no extradition from Hell! Plus then Halliburton would be there waiting for him when he finally gets there himself.
"Cheney, what were you THINKING when you bombed Iraq!"
I really really want to learn how to communicate with the dead. Who wouldn't just love to interview J. Edgar Hoover for instance -- on his opinion of the NSA. The man surely would be in ecstasy over the kinds of things that the NSA can now do. But how the freak does one talk to someone in Hell? Would that be the ultimate fireside chat or what!
"But, Jane," you might say, "anyone can talk to the dead. All you have to do is just open your mouth and let words come out." And therein lies the hard part. How can you manage to get the dead to talk back?
PS: After attending the recent Netroots Nation convention in San Jose http://www.netrootsnation.org/nn13-keynote-panel-archive/, I went on a tour of local Dead Folks on my drive back to Berkeley -- starting with the world-famous Rosicrucian Museum. Boy do they have a lot of mummies and such. Dead guys galore. I was clearly among friends.
Next came the Winchester Mystery House, which is supposed to be haunted. But no ghosts talked to me there either. Snubbed. Guess Sarah Winchester is a Mean Girl at heart.
After that I stopped by Skylawn cemetery, to have a nice cozy chat with my pop and my mom. I always sit by their graves and tell them all the latest hot gossip about my life when I go there. But, unfortunately, not even Mom and Pop were able to talk back.
*************************************
*************************************
Advertizements for myself: In these hard times of brutal (and illegal) corporatist ball-busting socialism-for-the-rich-only, I am doing whatever I can to make a spare dollar. Here are some of my current alternate-economy schemes that never seem to work -- but I keep hoping!
******
If anyone ever wants to hire me on as a travel writer (or war correspondent), "Have laptop, will travel!"
******
Need someone to help you throw out stuff? I'm really good at deciding what needs to be thrown out (starting with all those corporate-owned bums in Washington!)
****
Need an actor to play an older woman in your movie? Then I'm your man! I can portray all kinds of older women -- from judges, business execs and other insane zombies to bag ladies, cancer patients, kindly grandmothers and dying patients in rest homes. I've played them all. So send me a script and let's do this. Hollywood, here we come! Here's my reel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C91uEYjLUXA
****
Are you a plaintiffs' attorney who is tired of writing those pesky personal injury settlement briefs all the time? No problem! I can write them for you. Years of experience. And pay me only if you win the case.
****
I recently got my Notary Public commission!
Need a Notary Public? Have seal, will travel. E-mail me at jpstillwater@yahoo.com and I'll stamp your document, make it official and only charge $10. Of course if you live outside of Berkeley, I may have to charge travel expenses -- but am well worth it!
****
I also wrote a book about going on Hajj (also included as a chapter in "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket," but this book is cheaper -- but it's worth buying them both!) My book on the Hajj is so outstanding that I bet even Christian fundamentalists will love it! Please buy it here: http://www.amazon.com/Mecca-Hajj-Lessons-Islamic-School/dp/0978615700/ref=cm_rdp_product
****
"Imagine a world where EVERY child is wanted, nurtured, protected and loved: World peace in one generation!"You can now buy T-shirts, coffee mugs, tote bags, truckers' caps, baby gear and/or teddy bears with this logo printed on them. They make great gifts, especially for parents and teachers. To purchase, just click here:http://www.cafepress.com/StillTWaters
"Life is a competition. The winners are the ones who do the most good deeds." You can also buy T-shirts, coffee mugs, tote bags, truckers' caps, baby gear and/or teddy bears with this logo printed on them. They make great gifts, especially for those of us who are still idealists in these troubled times. To purchase, just click here: http://www.cafepress.com/StillTWaters
