Monday, March 31, 2008

Madam Jane predicts: The Bush-Cheney-McCain axis of neo-cons will attack Iran on....

(Photos: I truly wish that this painting by renowned artist Polly Frizzel was a portrait of Madam Jane drinking her morning coffee. But it's not. But that IS a photo of Madam Jane in her nightgown and bunny slippers.)

I just got an e-mail from my friend Karen. "Lately, I've been really worried that Bush is going to attack Iran and then use this as an excuse to suspend the November 2008 presidential elections. Could you please ask Madam Jane if she thinks that Bush is planning to bomb Iran before November?"

Gee, I'm not really sure if I should. I hate to bother Madam Jane all that much. She's kind of prickly even in the best of times but lately she's been even more temperamental.

"Why is that?"

"Because, way back in 1979, Madam Jane learned all her fabulous fortune-telling techniques from some ancient Tibetan lama from Oakland -- so all these recent protests and suppressions in Lhasa are stirring up a whole bunch of emotions for her. Did you know that the Chinese press just called the Dalai Lama a TERRORIST?" Geez Louise. The next thing you know they'll be calling Jesus a terrorist. Or Mohammed. Or Buddha. Or St. Catherine of Sienna. Or the Easter bunny.... But I digress.

There has been a lot of buzz on the internet lately about possible future attacks on Iran. And I too have been very worried that Bush's axis of imperialism is gonna end up doing something stupid like attacking Iran and putting the entire world in danger -- from economic and radioactive fallout at the least, if not from all-out world war.

Yesterday I read an article in OpEd News that said, "Last Friday, Dick Cheney was in Saudi Arabia for high-level meetings with the Saudi king and his ministers. On Saturday, it was revealed that the [top inner circle of Saudi decision-makers] is preparing 'national plans to deal with any sudden nuclear and radioactive hazards that may affect the kingdom following experts' warnings of possible attacks on Iran's Bushehr nuclear reactors.'" And the article goes on to cite that the last time Cheney made a grand tour of Middle East countries was right before he let loose with Shock and Awe.

And then RIA Novisti, a Russian information agency, also just wrote that "Russian military intelligence services are reporting a flurry of activity by U.S. Armed Forces near Iran's borders, a high-ranking security source said Tuesday. 'The latest military intelligence data point to heightened U.S. military preparations for both an air and ground operation against Iran,' the official said, adding that the Pentagon has probably not yet made a final decision as to when an attack will be launched."

This kind of intel makes it sound like the Bush-Cheney-McCain axis of globalization is planning to attack Iran at any moment, maybe even as early as April or May. Yikes! Maybe I SHOULD try to find out what MJ has to say about this.

So. Very gently, after she'd had her morning coffee, I approached Madam Jane. "Does the Bush-Cheney-McCain axis of [fill in the blank] plan to attack Iran before November?" I asked.


Okay. That's a good thing. Whew. That means that the November elections are gonna be safe -- not to mention the economy, the military, democracy, the Free World and apple pie. But maybe I had worded my question wrong. You gotta be very specific with Madam Jane. I'd better make sure.

"But might Bush and them be planning to attack Iran DURING November, right before the presidential elections?"

"No." Whew. Now we can relax!

Or not.

"I, Madam Jane, predict that the Bush-Cheney-McCain axis of destabilization will attack Iran AFTER the November elections." Gulp.

"But why then?"

"Don't you ever watch Big Brother House on TV," explained Madam Jane, "where Julie Chen is always saying, 'expect the unexpected'? Well, you need to do that with regard to this too. A lot of folks will be expecting Bush to pull an October Surprise and attack Iran right before the November elections. But what about a December Surprise? Right before the inauguration?" Wow, how deviously cleaver is that!

Then Madam Jane's eyes started to glow and I knew she was back thinking about Tibet again. "Over two hundred Tibetans killed so far...." I heard her mumble.

"Hey, MJ," I ventured. "Do you think we should try to boycott the Beijing Olympics? Would that help?"

"No." But why not? "Because that would only serve to isolate the Chinese and they wouldn't get to hear from all those Olympic visitors about how strongly the rest of the world hates it when large bully countries occupy smaller countries by force." Oh. You mean smaller countries like Tibet and Chechnya and Palestine and Iraq and...Iran?"

PS: "Hey, Madam Jane, I've got one more question. Will bombing Iran be of any help to America at all? I mean with regard to eliminating dangers from terrorism or helping the economy or making our military stronger or...anything?"


PPS: Here's an e-mail from Joe Thompson. "I figure that when the first air strike hits Iranian soil, the Navy in the Gulf will be one of the first hit by Iran. And Israel will probably receive a little attention too. There will also be a few other middle-east countries joining in the fray." That sounds like there will be a whole bunch of losers if Iran gets attacked. So exactly who in the freak WILL benefit from an attack on Iran? The Bush-Cheney-McCain axis of trillionaires! Of course.