Sunday, March 09, 2008

The Final Solution: Give Gaza back to Egypt!

(Photos are of me fervently praying for peace at the place where Christ was born in Bethlehem, the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem and the Hilton Mall in Mecca.)

Last night me and my daughter Ashley went off to see the movie "10,000 BC". I treated Ashley to the movie and she treated me to the popcorn. And she also bought a red Slurpee. How can ANYONE finish off one of those Slurpees without immediately going into a diabetic coma? Search me. That's my review of the Slurpee. Here's my review of the movie: "Remember when Siskel and Ebert used to have a whole show devoted to films they called 'Guilty Pleasures'? Well this film woulda made Number One on their list!"

What's to like about this movie? Bad acting, stupid plot, poorly-done graphics, weird sound effects, whatever. And that scene where bunches of people get killed? As a peace activist, I shoulda been disgusted. But there I was, in the tenth row of the local UA, cheering my heart out for more blood and guts! And as awful as that movie was, Ashley and I both loved it.

"Guilty Pleasure!" High-five.

But all those scenes that took place in what looked like it was supposed to be Egypt got me thinking about the current crisis in Gaza again. People forget that before 1967, Gaza used to belong to Egypt. So. If Israelis are all complaining about the big expense it costs them to keep Gaza occupied, how the young men of Israel would rather go off to India and smoke pot than to have to put up with being forced to become strong-arm thugs for the Israeli Defense Force, that the Qassam rockets fired from Gaza keep disrupting their lives and how it sometimes feels like they've got a tiger by the tail there in Gaza that is disrupting their entire relationship with Europe, the rest of the Middle East and all the rest of the world, then why don't they just give this troublesome step-child of theirs back to Egypt, its natural biological parent in the first place. End of problem.

Since 1967, Gaza has caused nothing but problems for Israel. It's like what happened to me tonight. I was making mac-cheese for dinner, pulled a macaroni shell out of the boiling water and put it in my mouth to see if it was done. That shell was HOT! I burned my freaking tongue! So I spit it out. And Gaza is like that for the Israelis -- like they took a big bite of some really hot food and there they are -- all dancing around the kitchen in pain and getting their mouth badly burned because they are too stubborn to admit that they've bitten off more than they can chew. Guess what, Israel? Stop getting burned. Just spit it out!

Since 1967, Gaza has changed. Originally, Gaza was like a colony -- the spoils of war. Then it became more of a burden -- the new Warsaw Ghetto. Now Gaza is rapidly turning into the new Auschwitz. Give it up, Israel. "Just spit it out."

Give Gaza back to Egypt!

PS: My friend Cathy told me today that a friend of hers who lives in the West Bank had just written her about how the Palestinians there are feeling so frustrated and helpless that they are now talking about starting a "Third Intifada". Let's not even go there. That's the last thing Israel needs! If you think that the Middle East is a slum now, you ain't seen nothing. If another Intifada comes along, property values in that area will REALLY start to go down! However, there is hope. If the Israelis simply do what the Germans did, then everybody could all have a happy ending in Israel-Palestine. It could happen.

"Okay, Jane, I'll bite. What did the Germans do?"

Ah, the Germans. Germany was the very first modern nation to be swallowed alive by the boa constrictor of globalization. Ahead of their times, were the Germans. But the rest of the world wasn't quite yet ready for globalization yet and so we fought World War II. But now, apparently, the world thinks that globalization is just fine. Hey, times change.

Then, after America had defeated Hitler's dream of a world corporate state, the Germans got divided up into two groups. There was West Germany, where everyone was democratic and free. Then there was East Germany, where everyone lived under a harsh military dictatorship. And then there was the Berlin Wall. Well, Israel-Palestine is like that right now. One part of the country lives in a free democracy. And the other part of the country lives in a harsh dictatorship, behind a Wall.

So I recommend that the Palestinians and Israelis do what the East and West Germans did -- tear down the wall, make EVERYONE in the country free and then get on with their lives. Hey, I've got 13 dollars and 25 cents in my pocket right now. I'd buy a chunk of that Wall!