No child left behind: George Bush guest stars on Sesame Street

I was invited to a friend's house for dinner the other day (pork roast, tossed salad, baked potatoes and lemonade!) and over dessert (marble cake and vanilla ice cream!!!), I started talking with a woman who taught kindergarten. "The teachers at our school are now REQUIRED to teach a unit entitled 'Patriotism' to their five-year-old students," she told me bitterly, "and the book we are required to use has nothing to do with patriotism. It is nothing more than a shamelessly blatant commercial for George W. Bush."

Since when did our George become so afraid of his ratings in the polls that he has to stoop to propagandizing kindergarteners? Is the Bush cartel that desperate? What will they do next? Start brainwashing toddlers?

I can see it all now -- George Bush guest stars on Sesame Street! "Which character do you think he would play?" asked my friend Jan.

"Bush wouldn't play any of the characters," I replied. "He would just boss everybody around, steal Ernie's rubber ducky, kick Oscar the Grouch out of his garbage can, take away PBS's educational funding, teach Maria how to torture prisoners, deport Luis and Zoe, introduce Gordon to the wonders of election fraud, expose the Cookie Monster to mercury poisoning, take away Susan's voting rights, send Burt off to Iraq without body armor, jail the Snuffaluffagus for being a threat to national security, take Big Bird off the endangered species list, try to hook Kermit the Frog up with Jeff Gannon and napalm Elmo."