By Jane Stillwater
What ever happened to America's old economic self-reliance? And when, exactly, did my country stop being a democracy? And exactly what can just one single solitary American like me do to save America from corporate plunder? http://www.upworthy.com/9-out-of-10-americans-are-completely-wrong-about-this-mind-blowing-fact-2?c=bl3 I know! I'll ask Madam Jane!
So I contacted my favorite fortune teller via her hot new Facebook page.
"I keep hearing all this nasty stuff about what is going on in America today -- and it scares me," I told her. "At this point in time, America is practically a NSA police state, our military has millions of uber-weapons trained on every country in the world including our own, corporate greed rules the day, and government-subsidized oil companies and coal companies and nuclear waste companies will have totally shut down the planet within 50 years."
""That sounds about right," replied hash-tag-M-J. "This planet's 50-year warranty is just about up. You've pretty much nailed it."
"But despite all this," I continued to whine, "you never, never hear anyone in a real position of power even hint or suggest that a disaster like this might be happening -- or that any intelligent solutions to our problems could possibly be found. All these jokers seem to come up with during these last crucial days are plans to eliminate abortions, stand their ground, buy more guns, kill more people, pollute more air and hand over even more perqs to large corporations. That's just stupid. So what can we do that is smart?"
"Don't buy any more cars." Huh? That's it? That's all you got?
"If people stopped buying cars, then I wouldn't have to sit through all those TV car commercials. Just sayin'."
"Are you trying to tell me," I said, "that the world's future will be safe if only I can keep away from automobile showrooms? And if I never buy a new car again, that will that save the planet?"
I just shook my head. But then I thought, hey, why not? Doesn't sound any more crazier than giving international corporations huge tax breaks that American small businesses can only dream of -- or privatizing prisons into slave-labor sweatshops or making it a whole lot harder for us average Americans to vote (or have our votes counted). http://www.truth-out.org/buzzflash/commentary/item/18112-why-do-protesters-against-egregious-environmental-and-financial-crimes-get-arrested-but-not-corporate-perpetrators
Okay. No more car-buying for me.
"And when you -- and seven billion single solitary other ordinary folks just like you -- finally wake up and demand a stop to the Earth's destruction, then corporations will be forced to follow," said Madam Jane sagely.
"But do you predict that they will?"
"Of course they won't," might be one prediction that M.J. could give -- or else, "Damn straight they will! People aren't stupid," might be the other. But which will it be? The lady or the tiger?
PS: My daughter Ashley the baker just invented a buttermilk pancake/bacon cupcake with maple syrup frosting. She calls it "The Breakfast Club". Don't even need Madam Jane to predict that it will be a great success http://www.loveatfirstbitebakery.com/
Advertizements for myself: In these hard times of brutal (and illegal) corporatist ball-busting socialism-for-the-rich-only, I am doing whatever I can to make a spare dollar. Here are some of my current alternate-economy schemes that never seem to work -- but I keep hoping!
If anyone ever wants to hire me on as a travel writer (or war correspondent), "Have laptop, will travel!"
Need someone to help you throw out stuff? I'm really good at deciding what needs to be thrown out (starting with all those corporate-owned bums in Washington!)
Need an actor to play an older woman in your movie? Then I'm your man! I can portray all kinds of older women -- from judges, business execs and other insane zombies to bag ladies, cancer patients, kindly grandmothers and dying patients in rest homes. I've played them all. So send me a script and let's do this. Hollywood, here we come! Here's my reel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C91uEYjLUXA
Are you a plaintiffs' attorney who is tired of writing those pesky personal injury settlement briefs all the time? No problem! I can write them for you. Years of experience. And pay me only if you win the case.
I recently got my Notary Public commission!
Need a Notary Public? Have seal, will travel. E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll stamp your document, make it official and only charge $10. Of course if you live outside of Berkeley, I may have to charge travel expenses -- but am well worth it!
I also wrote a book about going on Hajj (also included as a chapter in "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket," but this book is cheaper -- but it's worth buying them both!) My book on the Hajj is so outstanding that I bet even Christian fundamentalists will love it! Please buy it here: http://www.amazon.com/Mecca-Hajj-Lessons-Islamic-School/dp/0978615700/ref=cm_rdp_product
"Imagine a world where EVERY child is wanted, nurtured, protected and loved: World peace in one generation!"You can now buy T-shirts, coffee mugs, tote bags, truckers' caps, baby gear and/or teddy bears with this logo printed on them. They make great gifts, especially for parents and teachers. To purchase, just click here:http://www.cafepress.com/StillTWaters
"Life is a competition. The winners are the ones who do the most good deeds." You can also buy T-shirts, coffee mugs, tote bags, truckers' caps, baby gear and/or teddy bears with this logo printed on them. They make great gifts, especially for those of us who are still idealists in these troubled times. To purchase, just click here: http://www.cafepress.com/StillTWaters