Tuesday, December 21, 2010

America unplugged: Our leaders' Christmas wishes are coming true this year

America's leaders seem to be really happy right now -- because all of their Christmas wishes appear to be coming true. "But, Jane," you might ask "which leaders are you talking about? Who exactly does lead America?"

"The rich lead America -- of course." Who the freak did you think led America? God? The government? Brad Pitt?

"But America is a democracy, Jane. The majority rules here and American citizens run the show. How can you even say something like that?" Easy.

If the majority indeed rules here in America and democracy is firmly in control and the wealthy have little or no say in politics, just answer me one question. How many members of our salt-of-the-earth, working-class American majority are currently serving in Congress right now? Or on the Supreme Court? Or in the White House? Or leading the Federal Reserve or the Securities Exchange Commission or the Federal Drug Administration or the Federal Communications Commission or the armed forces or... You can count the members of our working class in the upper echelons of power in America on the fingers of your two hands -- and not even get down to counting your toes. Heck, you can't hardly even find anyone in any of those places that even belongs to our middle class.

I rest my case!

And boy are America's leaders happy right now -- as they eagerly anticipate getting their fill of Christmas presents this year. "And what do you want in your Christmas stocking this year, rich people? What's on your Christmas list?"

"First of all, we'd love more government deregulations in our favor." Check. "And tax breaks for the wealthy." Check. "And a continuing steady flow of American jobs sent offshore so that we can continue to break the backs of America's unions by using cheap-labor scabs in Haiti, Honduras and China. And we also want more cheap labor scabs here at home too!" Check, check and check.

"And please Santa -- remember to stuff our stockings with all those wonderful ear-marks and subsidies for agribusiness. And keep up the good work with stuffing the Pentagon budget too. Americans don't need infrastructure, medical care and education -- not if it means making us unhappy on Christmas." Triple check.

"And for the next Christmas present on our list, we want compliant Americans who are afraid of their own shadows and are at each others' throats over petty stuff so that they won't notice us as we happily pick their pockets." Double-check. "And ownership of all major media -- no one needs to hear the truth, especially not at Christmas!" No problem. Check. "And please get rid of all those pesky bloggers, whistleblowers and net-neutrality freaks while you're at it. Capitalism hates competition." Check, check, check, check.

"Then please send lots of drug money our way -- both legal and illegal. Let's keep Americans drugged. They're happy. We're happy. And don't forget about climate change either -- please hold it off until we've made our profits and moved on. Let the kids deal with it. No Green Christmas for us!"
Just name it, it's yours.

"And we want profits from endless wars too. Those Middle East disasters and fiascos? Afghanistan, Iraq and Palestine? Keep 'em coming! Thank you, Santa. America may be losing its lifeblood on those wars but WE are making a mint!" No worries, rich people. You can check that one off of your wish-list too. "And we also want a government that hemorrhages money in our direction, endless deficits, access to the Social Security vault..." It's definitely coming your way.

It's almost Christmas morning. All this good stuff is about to slide down your trillion-dollar chimneys. Get out the milk and cookies! Yuletide cheer!

"But basically, Santa, what we rich people really want for Christmas is an oligarchy -- preferably like the one that sprang up in Russia after the Soviet Union fell. We want the United States of America to fall too, just like the good old USSR. And please, Santa, let us be the ones who pick up the (gold) pieces as America's 'socialist' government falls apart --
the one that the American people took for granted so much and spent so much time griping about. And please please please replace yesteryear's worn out old American democracy with a shiny spanking new surveillance state."

Check off everything on your list, rich guys. This year you'll be getting it all.

"But I thought that Santa only brought presents to those who were nice," you might comment.

Sorry, Virginia. It doesn't work that way in America any more. In America today, Santa only brings you presents if you are naughty -- or greedy, mendacious, evil, violent, hypocritical, underhanded, slimy, thieving, back-stabbing and/or cruel.